Man Really Looking Forward To New Season’s Beer Commercials

TWIN FALLS, ID--Gary Nugent of Twin Falls, ID is really looking forward to the upcoming football season and the influx of new, football-themed beer commercials. Nugent is reportedly tired of the current batch of ads and hotly anticipating the latest offerings.

“I love the Coors Lite ‘Here's to Summer’ ads,” said Nugent, 31. “But they really can’t compare to the ‘Here’s to football’ ads. Last year’s were totally out of this world, and I’m sure they have something special in store for us this year.”

Nugent, an unemployed construction worker, says the ads “always get him revved up for football season.”

“Whenever I see those rowdy football fans jumping around and screaming and carrying on, I think ‘Yea baby, football season is here’. And that really cool, rockin tune they play about stuff every guy loves like ‘Hangin with my friends, watchin my team win’. It’s so catchy! I don’t know who the artist is, but I think I’m gonna look it up on the Internet. Someone should sign these guys to a record deal, if they haven’t already.”

The male oriented, testosterone filled beer ads feature crowds of attractive, hip, overly-excited beer drinkers guzzling Coors Lite with their friends. Girls are added to the mix, but mostly as ornaments. Nugent is especially fond of the girls because of how friendly and accommodating they are.

“Wow, I wish I could meet some girls like that sometimes,” says Nugent. “They’re so nice and cool about everything, you know? Like they’ll do just about anything to entertain the guys whether it be rolling around with each other half naked in the snow, dousing themselves with freezing cold water, or engaging in incestuous fondling with their twin sisters! They're not exactly the ‘brainy’ kind like you find around here, and that’s fine with me. They just wanna have fun”

The incest Nugent mentioned is a reference to the popular pair of twin sisters that have become a staple of Coors Lite commercials. The twins usually appear in swimsuits or underwear and dance together suggestively.

“Having those twins in there was an ingenious idea. Can you believe how hot they are? It's every guy's fantasy to have two hot twins working him over, and Coors Lite is the only beer company that knows that and isn’t afraid to say it. And they even incorporate them into the theme song, which I always thought was kinda clever. I mean, just think about it. Every time they do a new commercial and change the words to the theme song, they have to think of something different that rhymes with ‘twins’. I’m glad it’s not my job. I've never been the poetic type.”

But Coors Lite isn’t the only beer ad that Nugent is excited about. He is reportedly “very interested” in what the Miller Lite people have in the works for the upcoming football season.

“Remember the Miller Lite 'catfight' ads from last year? You couldn’t watch a football game without seeing them about fifty times. Wow, they were so sexy. Since I never leave the house and have never heard of the internet, I’ve never seen two girls engaging in lesbian type activities.
There’s nothing more exciting than watching those two hot girls wrestle around. But wait, there’s twist at the end! It’s only a fantasy. Two guys are talking about it in front of their girlfriends, and the girlfriends just roll their eyes. You can tell they’re thinking ‘Boys will be boys.’”

Nugent says he spends a lot of time thinking about what the new commercials are gonna be like. Will they be called “Here’s to winter”, or “Here's to football”? Will the twins be back?

“It’ll be hard to top their other commercials. They’ve really raised the bar,” said Nugent, in reference to Coors Lite. “Those two girls are gonna have to bust out a double ended dildo next time if they wanna outdo themselves”

He added that the thing he likes most about the ads is how accurately they reflect real life. As a bachelor, Nugent knows just how great it is to go out for a night on the town with the guys and mix it up a little.

“Those commercials remind me of my friends and I when we were younger. We used to drink a lot of beer. We’d go out a lot too. We always used to wrestle around and yell and scream about nothing. You know, just the guys. No bitches baby! I mean, we tried to get bitches, but they weren’t really interested. Anyway, those guys are all married now.”

But Nugent insists on pointing out that Coors Lite and Miller Lite do not condone drinking and driving.

“At the end of every ad, they say ‘Think before you drink’. That just shows how responsible they are. They know how everyone just can't get enough of their delicious beer, so they make sure that they put that sobering reminder at the end of their commercials. I really admire that.”