CHICAGO-Women’s Soccer is enjoying a huge surge of popularity that is sweeping the nation, according to a cover story in Women’s Soccer magazine. The story, written by Mary Peeler, tells the tale of how a scrappy group of women on the US Women’s Soccer Team have become America’s sweethearts overnight, charming a nation with their grit, style and determination. The story goes on to say how every American man, woman, and child is finally learning to appreciate the joys of soccer. The cover of the magazine shows a photo of Team USA with the headline “America’s Team”

“All around America sports fans are swept up in the phenomenon,” the article noted. “The amazing surge in popularity has finally legitimized the game of soccer stateside, and given women’s athletics a much needed shot in the arm.”

The news comes as a surprise to many experts around the country, including members of Team USA. They claim to be in the dark about their raging success.

“Sweeping the nation, huh?” asked Brandi Chastain. “That’s news to me. The WUSA just folded last week. Did I miss something?"

Not so, says the article, which sites an online opinion poll showing 83 percent of Women’s Soccer subscribers list women’s soccer as their favorite sport.

“The numbers don’t lie,” says Peeler. “83 percent baby. Soccer is here to stay. I told you, its sweeping the nation. Everyone, including you, loves it.”

Many Americans expressed surprise when told of their love for women’s soccer. In fact, in an online poll conducted by CNNSI.com, 8 out of 10 respondents claim they’ve never even seen women’s soccer. Some respondents note only a passing knowledge of the sport, and some say that their only exposure came when Chastain ripped her shirt off during the World Cup.

“Oh yea, women’s soccer,” said Dale Rallings of Boston. “Isn’t that the game where they all play topless? I think I saw something about that on Sportscenter.”

As further proof that women’s soccer is taking off, Peeler mentions its first major television deal in the US, which was signed just recently.

“It’s a big day for woman’s soccer,” says Peeler. “Getting a TV contract is a big step in terms of gaining exposure and popularity. Now people will have an opportunity to learn the game, get to know the players, and root for their favorite team.”

Peeler appears legitimately excited about the prospects for the ladies, even when confronted with the fact that the Women’s Soccer League folded just last week.

“Folded? I’m not even sure what you’re talking about,” said Peeler. “Oh, you mean that thing that happened last week? That little incident? That wasn’t a fold. No - you see, what the league is doing is taking a short hiatus to um…adjust its..um…fiscal….ah….situation to um…deal with the…influx of new fans. Yes, the influx of new fans. Gotta make some adjustments for that.”

Sources say that the new television contract isn’t what it was cracked up to be. After checking with all three major networks, ESPN, and Foxsports, the Associated Press contacted Ms. Peeler to find out exactly which network had signed the deal.

“Oh, you wanna know what network signed the contract? I see,” said Peeler. “Have you ever heard of Telemundo? It’s the Spanish language channel. Yea, they were practically banging down the door to recruit the women’s soccer people. It’s going to be great for the league and for America. Our Latino fans are going to just love it.”

When reached for comment, representatives from Telemundo had this to say:

“Oh, it’s that women from the soccer magazine. Yes, we paid three hundred dollars to have some of the Team USA soccer matches broadcast on our network from 3 to 5 in the morning. These are difficult hours to fill, and people were getting tired of infomercials.”

Whatever the truth is behind the women’s soccer phenomenon, they certainly have one true fan in Mary Peeler. Unfortunately for them, Women’s Soccer magazine has announced it will no longer be in circulation. The magazine decided to fold soon after the league itself folded.

“Of course we folded,” said editor in chief Marcia Plimpton. “There’s not a whole helluva lot to talk about since the league folded. Sure, Team USA is great but it’s not something you can devote an entire weekly magazine to. It’s a great sport, but we just don’t have enough fans, regardless of what Mary Peeler says. You didn’t tell her that we were folding did you? We’ve been trying to avoid telling her. Poor thing. I told her that the office was empty because it was being fumigated. Guess you can only keep that lie going for so long.”