Canadians All Into Baseball Now

TORONTO--With the Toronto Blue Jays in the ALCS for the first time since 1993, it appears that Canadian people have taken a break from watching hockey, guzzling maple syrup and listening to Bryan Adams to focus on baseball.

Monday night at the Rogers Center in Toronto, they were out en masse cheering for their team, which won 11-8.

“Vive La Blue Jays!” they screamed. “Je suis le baseball! Crush the Americans. Bastille, Bastille! Red Barchetta!”

Many Canadians are acting like they’ve been into baseball all along, despite the fact that baseball is an American sport and Canadian people do not understand it.

“I’ve always loved baseball,” said a Canadian person after the game. “People think that’s funny because I’m a Canadian person but it shows you cannot paint every person with the same brush. For instance, I’m told there are some Americans who like Canadian bacon. Vive le Michael J. Fox!”

In addition to the ALCS, there was also an election in Canada yesterday, in which Justin Trudeau, most likely a former hockey player, was elected prime minister in what passes for an election in that country. Players on the Blue Jays can feel the electricity in the air whenever they take the field.

“Between us being in the playoffs and an election, it’s a very exciting time to be a Canadian person, or a non-Canadian person temporarily residing in Canada,” said shortstop Troy Tulowitzki. “Did you know that they have elections here? They have elections just like in America. I mean it’s probably a sham or whatever, but it’s nice that they make the attempt. And it's cute how they get all excited about it, as if it matters.”

The people of Toronto are so confident in their team’s chances against the Kansas City Royals that the mayor of Toronto, John Tory, has made a wager with Kansas City’s mayor over the seven game series.

“It’s customary for the mayors of the two competing cities to make a friendly wager,” said Tory. “In the spirit of that tradition, I have wagered a 10 gallon drum of maple syrup and a bag of maple leafs. I haven’t heard back from my American counterpart but I imagine he will offer machine guns or hot dogs or something. Or global warming.”

If the Blue Jays win the World Series, it’s expected that a massive victory parade will be held in Toronto, in which millions of Canadian people will line the streets and pretend they’ve been into baseball all along.

Plans have already begun for the parade, which will most likely involve paving Toronto’s dirt roads and establishing some sort of shuttle service so people can travel from their remote maple syrup-growing villages to the city in order to jump on the baseball bandwagon for a day.