ATLANTA, GA--An angry American public, bored shit with news about the NFL draft and March Madness, is angrily demanding to know what the hell is going on with the Ben Roethlisberger case. The investigation is entering its fourth week with no end in sight. “Come on, people. Give us some information!” shouted one woman, standing in a crowd of angry football fans outside the office of the Atlanta Journal-Constitution. “Did he do it or what? Did they interview him? Did they interview her again? Can we see some grainy security camera footage of Ben shitfaced? Come on, you cannot just drop this crazy story on our heads and then leave us hanging. We want answers! Or, at the very least, salacious and unfounded rumors.” One group even said they were planning to sue the AJC, ESPN, the Georgia Bureau of Investigation, and Proftooballtalk.com for the release of more dirt.