CINCINNATI, OH--A 12-year-old boy was listed in stable condition yesterday after Bengals wide receiver Chad Johnson pushed him down and stepped on his face in a desperate attempt to get to a nearby television camera. The incident occurred while Johnson was signing autographs at the Bengals practice facility. Two other children were also treated for minor injuries.

A witness called the scene “embarrassing.”

“That was ugly. I was actually embarrassed for Chad,” said Shaun Colwell, 39. “He pushed a bunch of kids out of the way and then just stomped on one who had fallen in his path. I thought there was a fire or something. Then I realized there was a camera crew nearby. Chad was really mugging it up for them. The good thing is, he was doing it in a way that wasn't disrespectful to the kids.”

Susan Campbell, whose daughter was pushed to the ground during the fracas, noticed a startling change in Johnson's demeanor when the cameraman arrived.

“What surprised me the most was his sudden change in demeanor,” said Campbell, 43. “He was standing there signing autographs and then all of a sudden he dropped his pen and started plowing through the kids, using his arms to sweep them aside. One kid got it pretty bad. He got a foot in the ribs and another one in the face. And to top it all off I stole two bucks out of his pocket while he was lying there.”

The injured child, Kyle Herren, suffered a concussion as well as two broken ribs. He is expected to make a full recovery, but the experience has scarred him for life.

“I can’t believe he would do something like that to one of his fans,” said Herren, still sporting a Chad Johnson game jersey. “I was next in line, too. I almost got his autograph, and the next thing I knew I was laying on the ground getting trampled. I guess I was just in the wrong place at the wrong time. The next time I find myself between Chad Johnson and a camera, I’ll take the necessary safety precautions.”

The child’s mother was shocked by Johnson’s behavior and is threatening to file a lawsuit.

“Well I never. The way he plowed through all those kids was a disgrace,” said Jessica Herren. “He was just trying to get an autograph. Oh, my poor little Kyle. Chad Johnson is his favorite player--was his favorite player. Now where’s he going to turn, TJ Houshmandzadeh? Please. Call me when you get a real name, pal. ”

If there’s a silver lining to all of this, it’s that the camera crew was treated to a world class performance by Johnson.

“He was in rare form,” said Charlie Keyes, cameraman for WKRC 12. “He comes running over, all huffing and puffing, and then he goes ‘I’m just doing my impression of a Baltimore cornerback,’ referring to how he torched the Ravens secondary last week. Then, as this little kid is screaming and crying in the background, he says ‘Hey, I think I hear Chris McAlister over there. Guess he’s still upset.’ Zing! Talk about trash talking! He nailed McAlister and that little bleeding kid at the same time .”

In a statement released this morning, the Bengals front office apologized for the incident and promised a full investigation.

“We apologize to the family of young Kyle Herren and send our best wishes for a speedy recovery,” the statement began. “If these allegations are true, Chad will be held accountable for his actions. They certainly do not reflect the values of the Cincinnati Bengals organization. Our team handbook states conclusively that children are not to be trampled under any circumstances, even if there is a camera in the vicinity. Everybody laughed at us for putting that rule in there last year. I don’t see anybody laughing now.”

When reached for comment at his home, Johnson insisted he was merely expressing himself and not trying to disrespect anybody.

“People are overreacting to this,” Johnson said. “You know me, I like to make people laugh and I have a lot of fun playing this game. If they’re gonna fine me or suspend me because I ran over a bunch of kids, so be it. But just to show what a nice guy I am, I’m going to visit that little kid in the hospital. Make sure you tell everybody. Feel free to being cameras. For the sake of the kid, bring lots of them. Lord knows I’ll be a lot nicer if that red light is on.”

 

 

 

 

Copyright 2005, The Brushback - Do not reprint without permission. This article is satire and is not intended as actual news.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 





Chad Johnson Tramples Small Child To Get To Television Camera

November 30 , 2005 - Volume 2 Issue 19