ATLANTA--Atlanta Falcons head coach Mike Smith raised eyebrows today when he declared an open competition for every single position on the team. The rookie head coach, whose team had a 4-12 record last season, believes that nobody on the roster is currently good enough to consider a lock for a starting position.

“It’s an open competition out here,” Smith said, just days before the official start of camp. “Guys are gonna have to step up and seize these starting jobs if they want them. By the time training camp starts, we'll have a pretty clear picture of who's playing where...hopefully. Otherwise that could cause a lot of confusion in the huddle.”

Smith has been given the task of rebuilding a team that was 29th in the league in points scored and 29th in points allowed last year. He first came up with the 'open competition' idea when he got a glimpse of the Falcons depth chart.

“When I first got the job I checked out the roster and the depth chart and my heart just sank,” he said. “I thought it was the practice squad. I didn’t even recognize some of the guys. Chris Redman? There’s an NFL starting QB named Chris Redman? At that point I said ‘Let’s start over and see if anyone here can actually play.’ From what I’ve seen so far, they can’t. But I predict somebody will step to the forefront and surprise everybody. I just hope he can play more than one position.”

Some veterans were surprised to hear their starting jobs were up for grabs. Smith is hoping that surprise will light a fire under them.

“Hey, if you were a starter last year, there’s no guarantee you’re going to be a starter this year,” Smith said. “And if guys have a problem with that, good. Get mad. Get motivated. Come in here with a chip on your shoulder. Show me you deserve that starting spot. If not, you’ll be standing on the sidelines watching some rookie play in your place. And don’t come crying to me when that happens, because I’ll be fired by then.”

But will Smith’s radical idea cause turmoil in the locker room? It appears it already has.

“This is bullshit. I’ve been here forever and I deserve this starting job,” said linebacker Keith Brooking. “I just don’t understand how he can make a blanket statement like that about every position. Surely some people on this team can be assumed starters. I know I should. And Lawyer Milloy. And…Roddy White, I guess. Okay I can’t think of any more guys who deserve to be starters. Still, the bottom line is he shouldn't embarrass guys by giving their jobs to someone more deserving.”

Copyright 2008, The Brushback - Do not reprint without permission. This article is satire and is not intended as actual news.