Flip Saunders Wondering Why Nobody Cares About His Job Search

MINNEAPOLIS , MN --Former Minnesota Timberwolves coach Flip Saunders was fired two months ago by GM Kevin McHale. Now he is a prime candidate for several head coaching positions. However, nobody in the media seems to give a shit about his job search.

“When Phil Jackson was looking for work, they had 24-hour surveillance at his house,” Saunders said from his home in Minnesota . “It was like a national obsession. They had updates every damn ten minutes. With me, nobody seems to care. Hello? I’m searching for a job here. I’m a pretty good coach. A lot of teams are interested in me. Ric Bucher? Marc Stein? I’d settle for Greg Anthony at this point. Somebody at least pretend their interested. Please.”

Saunders indicated that he would be perfectly willing to do a sit down interview during halftime of the NBA finals.

“I’m not a recluse like Phil. I’m not a pain in the ass like that,” he said. “I’ll come on TV during the finals. I’ll come on Sportscenter. Come on, this is embarrassing. I’m supposed to be a high profile NBA coach. OK, I never thought I’d say this, but I am willing to go on—God help me---Best Damn Sports Show Period. Yes, I am willing to sit down and talk to John freaking Salley if he’ll treat me with a little respect.”

Unfortunately, Salley turned down Saunders’ request.

“Flip Saunders? Oh yea, he’s looking for a job right?” Salley asked. “Yea, that’s cool, but we can’t really fit him in this week. We’re booked solid and it’s a pretty solid lineup. We’ve got Mike Tyson Monday and Snoop Dogg on Tuesday. It’s all part of our ‘Rapist Week.’”

What bothers Saunders most is the huge amount of coverage afforded Phil Jackson during his job search. However, members of the media say that Saunders is not nearly the ratings draw that the Zen Master is.

“Flip’s a good coach and a super guy, but that doesn’t mean anyone wants to hear about him,” said ESPN’s David Aldridge. “Sure when he gets a job we’ll do a little piece on it. We may even throw a little “breaking news” thing on our website. He’ll feel pretty darn special. But he can’t expect us to saturate the airwaves like we did for Phil. He just doesn’t have the same star power. He hasn’t won 9 championships. Shit, I’d rather talk to Isiah Thomas than Flip. At least he has that ‘unintentionally funny’ thing going for him.”

Last week Saunders placed a call to Stephen A Smith of ESPN to give him an update on his job search. Smith placed him on hold and forgot about him. Later, Smith apologized.

“Oh, I forgot. Shit, I had Flip on hold,” Smith said. “I was talking to my agent, he called, I put him on hold, and then I got up to take a dump. Now I feel bad. Flip is a tremendous coach. Absolutely tremendous. Unfortunately, nobody cares about him. I don’t care about him. To tell you the truth, he’s dead to me.”

Saunders says that the lack of attention and respect is only going to make him stronger. Someday he’ll win a championship and he’ll have the media in the palm of his hands.

“You just wait. Someday I’m going to be like Phil Jackson,” he said. “I could end up as the coach of the Detroit Pistons. If Larry Brown leaves because of health problems, God willing, I will step in and become a high profile coach. Otherwise I may just have to go to the Knicks. Holy shit, the Knicks. If that’s my only option I may just wait for another job to come along. I hear my son’s junior high basketball team may be looking for a scorekeeper.”

The attention Saunders craves may not be all it’s cracked up to be, though. Just ask Phil Jackson. The Zen Master is tired of being hounded by hungry reporters and he envies Flip’s position.

Oh, poor Flip. He’s not getting enough attention,” Jackson said. “Boo hoo. Does he want to trade places with me? I’d do it in a heartbeat. Last week I had Ric Bucher, that douche bag, climbing up my drain pipe and looking in my bedroom window. A month ago my girlfriend and I were sitting in a Jacuzzi in my lodge in Aspen and all of a sudden Marc Stein popped up out of the water. I don’t even know how he got in there. He had on goggles and a snorkel. He was looking for a quote, so I gave him one: ‘Fuck off and die.’”