Kim Jong-il To Release Soccer Players' Families If They Win World Cup

June 1 , 2010           
Bookmark and Share

PYONGYANG--In a welcome announcement that brought cheers from the members of the North Korean World Cup soccer team, North Korean leader Kim Jong-il has promised to release the players’ families from captivity if the team wins the World Cup. Players’ families, in accordance with national policy, are currently being held captive in military prisons. “Vanquish the imperialist barbarians and you shall once again see your families alive and well,” the Supreme Leader said in a radio address Tuesday. “This is a promise that I make to you today, oh athletes of the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea. Crush these animals using every tool at your disposal and you will be welcomed home by the loving arms of your families! If you fail, they will die. No pressure, though.” Kim Jong-il said that he would participate in the games himself if it wasn’t for the foot injury he sustained while kicking the game-winning field goal in Super Bowl XLIV.

Bill Laimbeer Elbow From 1986 Upgraded To Flagrant Foul

Cleveland Chosen As Site Of 2010 Browns-Jaguars Game

Tea Party Favorite Suddenly Leading Candidate To Take Over Cavs Job


Long Time Tiger Woods 9-Iron Resigns


Suns Celebrate Diversity By Honoring One Ethnic Group









 

 More Briefs