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Lap-Band Vows To Change Culture In Rex Ryan’s Stomach

March 16, 2010           
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NEW YORK--The lap-band that was recently implanted around Rex Ryan’s stomach vowed today to “change the culture” in the stomach and instill a sense of accountability to the whole digestive system. “It's time to change the culture in this stomach,” the lap-band said. “The days of sitting idly by and watching Rex’s mid-section expand to monstrous proportions are over. From now on you’re going to see a brash, arrogant belly that doesn’t back down to anyone or anything – a belly with confidence and swagger that’s not going to growl and beg every time it comes across a Twinkie or whoopee pie. This isn't your daddy's lap-band and it certainly isn't that gay lap-band that tried to tame Charlie Weis’s gut.” The lap-band later issued an apology for its “poor choice of words” in calling Weis’ lap band gay.


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