NHL Drops Plans To Expand To Phoenix After Discovering There’s Already A Team There

PHOENIX--The National Hockey League has dropped plans to expand to Phoenix, the league’s Board of Governors said today, after realized there is already a team there. The league will continue to consider explore expansion options in Las Vegas, Quebec and several other North America cities.

“We have discontinued out pursuit of an expansion deal in Phoenix,” the league said in a statement Saturday. “While the Phoenix metropolitan area is an attractive, large market with a modern arena, there is already an NHL team there, the Arizona Coyotes, playing in the very arena we were courting in the first place. Effective immediately, they are out of consideration for an expansion franchise.”

According to sources, the pursuit didn’t get much further than the exploratory phase when Andrew Barroway, owner of the Arizona Coyotes, intervened.

“So this guy calls me and he says ‘I’m the owner of the Arizona Coyotes,” said Bruins owner and chairman of the NHL’s Board of Governors Jeremy Jacobs. “And I’m thinking, is this some XFL team or something? Turns out it’s an NHL team. I guess they’ve been there a while. So it was a little awkward, needless to say. The guy was hurt, and you know what? I don’t blame him.”

Jacobs defended himself and his fellow owners by saying that pretty much nobody has knows who the Arizona Coyotes are.

“Pick ten random people off the street and seven of them will have never heard of the Arizona Coyotes,” Jacobs said. “I get that we are NHL owners and should know, but honestly I can’t be bothered. I have too much shit on my mind to pay attention to a team in some cactus humping crystal meth shit hole. No offense to anyone in Vegas.”

Sources say that Barroway is ‘furious’ at his fellow owners and that there may be no repairing the relationship.

“Barroway is furious right now,” said the source. “They’re going to have to do something to make it up to him, maybe give Phoenix the All Star game next year or something. Otherwise…the owner of the Arizona Coyotes is going to be angry. Ok that’s really not that big a deal.”

Jacobs is not concerned about the relationship between the Coyotes and the NHL. In fact, he has spoken to Barroway and insists the owner shares the rest of league’s enthusiasm for expanding to another city.

“Andrew is fine. We talked this morning and he is already over it,” said Jacobs. “All everyone is concerned about now is scoping out other major cities for expansion. Las Vegas, Houston, Seattle, Quebec - all nice cities with different things to offer. And then there are cities like Nashville. We did some research into that place and I wouldn’t take a shit in that hellhole.”