ST LOUIS--The St Louis Rams Week 10 match-up against the New Orleans Saints is fast approaching and the team is hoping that the league will step in to put a stop to the carnage. The Rams, at 1-7, are ill-equipped to deal with the undefeated Saints’ multi-pronged attack, says head coach Steve Spagnuolo.

“Yea, um, is somebody going to put a stop to this? Is somebody going to intervene here?” asked Spagnuolo on Tuesday. “Hello? Where is the league in all this? They can’t just sit by and let this happen. They have to do the right thing, the conscientious thing, and cancel the game. Please. We’re all counting on you, commissioner. Pull your thumb out of your ass and do something.”

The Rams have not been practicing or preparing for the Saints this week because they have been convinced that the game will not happen. However, with just six days left until Sunday, both players and coaches are starting to get a little restless.

“Um…maybe the league doesn’t realize this game is on the schedule,” said defensive coordinator Ken Flajole. “We were all certain they were going to put a stop to it. Don’t we have that flex scheduling bullshit we can use? So just switch our opponent from the Saints to the Seahawks or something. We’ll even settle for the Giants at this point. In fact, they would be our first choice.”

It’s not just the Rams that are calling for intervention. Several of the league’s owners and GM’s are calling for the league to stop the game in order to “preserve the integrity of the sport.”

“The league cannot just leave the Rams twisting in the wind like this,” said one GM, who asked not to be identified. “They have a responsibility to ensure the integrity of the game here. It’s bad enough that they let the Rams field a team in the first place, but to allow them to go up against the Saints is unthinkable. Someone must swoop in and rescue them. The Saints, too, because they could die of boredom.”

Spagnuolo said that if the league doesnt intervene in this weekend’s game, his team would still show up to the field to “play” in order to satisfy their contractual obligation. However, he cautioned St Louis fans to stay away from the television.

“I wouldn’t watch this one on TV if I were the fans,” he said. “It’s going to be a bloodbath. They could put up 60 on us. They could set some offensive records. They could also be so bored and uninspired that they actually let us stay in the game. But pretty much every team we've faced this season has been bored and uninspired and we've still only won one game.”

Saints coach Sean Payton says he understands where the Rams are coming from and wouldn’t object at all if the game were canceled or rescheduled.

“I’ve had a hard time getting my team up for this game,” he said. “I’ve been telling them that the Rams are due for a big breakout performance and that they’re better than their record indicates, but they just keep laughing at me. And I don’t blame them, you know? You can’t put lipstick on a pig, especially when that pig is being quarterbacked by Marc Bulger.”

Despite the pleas, commissioner Goodell said he has no intention of canceling the game, and urged the Rams to shift their focus from winning the game to covering the point spread or, at the very least, severely injuring one of the Saints’ starters.

Copyright 2009, The Brushback - Do not reprint without permission. This article is satire and is not intended as actual news.