NEW YORK--Raffi Torres of the Phoenix Coyotes has been suspended 25 games for a vicious hit on Chicago’s Marion Hossa during Game 3 of Coyotes-Blackhawks series. Forced to miss the rest of the playoffs and the beginning of the regular season, Torres, who has been suspended three times in the past 13 months, will spend his suspension reflecting on why he didn’t just kill the son of a bitch.
“I have a lot of soul searching to do,” said Torres. “A lot of personal reflection. Probably my biggest regret is not just killing the son of a bitch in the first place. I mean, if I knew I was going to be penalized 25 games I would have just finished him off right there. Sure, it would have added another 5 to 10 games to my suspension, but it would have been worth it.”
“Simple. After he hit the ground, I would have just taken a flying elbow to the back of his head,” said Torres. “You get somebody right in the back of the head – right here where the neck meets the head – you can put them out in a second flat. I saw it in a karate movie once. I’ve been dying to try that move for years.”
“My thoughts are with Marion,” he said. “I hope he gets back on the ice real soon. He's a guy who plays the game the right way and doesn't deserve this. Hang in there, buddy. We're all pulling for you!”
Copyright 2012, The Brushback - Do not reprint without permission. This article is satire and is not intended as actual news.
Raffi Torres To Spend Suspension Reflecting On Why He Didn’t Just Kill The Son Of A Bitch
|April 22, 2012|