WASHINGTON, DC--Amidst an ugly 16-game losing streak, the Washington Wizards are making some adjustments to ticket prices for the final couple weeks of the season: effective immediately, fans will be charged extra for obstructed view seats, now known as “premium seats.” “These premium seats are widely regarded as the best seats in the house,” said marketing director Peter Biche. “For an extra ten dollars, you can come to the arena, enjoy some refreshments and a great atmosphere, and stare at a pretty steel beam instead of the game. Now, if you shift your head slightly to the right or left you may be able to catch a glimpse of the action on the court, so we recommend you stare straight ahead in order to get your money's worth.” In related news, courtside seats are being given away to homeless people looking to get out of the cold.