Muhammad Ali Mistaken For Statue Of Muhammad Ali

LOUISVILLE, KY--An unveiling ceremony for a new Muhammad Ali statue in Louisville, Kentucky was marred by confusion when several onlookers mistook the actual Muhammad Ali for his life-size statue. The stoic, rigid Ali stood motionless as parents and children gazed upon him, while the actual statue stood a short distance away, on the front steps of Louisville’s town hall. The champ was slow in reacting to the gathering throng.

“Hey look, there’s the statue!” shouted 10-year-old Timmy Schopeke as he ran up to Ali, who was standing on an elevated stage. “Wow, it looks so real. Can I touch it?”

Another onlooker, Charles Whitmore, 32, stood before Ali and surveyed the champ’s strong, chiseled face.

“That really is a good likeness of him,” said Whitmore, holding the hand of his young daughter Sherry. “But it’s a little strange that they chose the older Ali. I expected them to immortalize the young, strong and confident Ali. I don’t feel inspired to strive to great heights and stand up for my beliefs at all. This statue is nothing like the real thing.”

One local woman was especially unimpressed by the so-called statue.

“I don’t think it looks very realistic,” said Lindsey McAuliffe, 43, of Adairville. “It’s not very lifelike. Too stiff, too rigid. And what’s with the mustache? Ali doesn’t have a mustache. I must say this is a disappointment.”

While the people assembled before him, Ali attempted to respond and clear up any confusion. Unfortunately those efforts were futile, as the champ’s soft spoken mumbling was drowned out by the chattering crowd.

“Quite an interesting specimen,” said Dr. Roger Bingham, head of the art department at Western Kentucky University. “The finish is quite unusual for a clay sculpture, if indeed that’s what it is. I imagine the armature is made of metal, but I can’t be sure. I’ve seen a lot of pieces in my day, but there is something strangely unnerving about this one. It’s lifelike, yet hard and unyielding. The way the lips move ever so slightly is a nice touch, though. Attention to detail is very important.”

The herd of spectators slowly grew larger, even though the actual statue of Ali stood only twenty feet away, concealed by some shrubbery and covered in a tarp. The unveiling ceremony was scheduled for that afternoon, but many fans showed up early to get better seats. The champ was scheduled to make an appearance, but the crowds, even while staring him in the eyes, failed to put two and two together.

The confusion was cleared up, however, when several small children attempted to climb Ali. It drew the attention of security guards, who pulled the children away from the champ and explained that the real statue was just around the corner.

“I was watching the people gather around Muhammad. That’s nothing new. He does attract attention and loves an audience,” said Richard McElvane, head of security for the event. “But I had to put a stop to it when the kids started climbing all over him. They thought he was a statue of himself. That’s a first. Anyway, I led them over to the real statue and told them to sit tight and wait for the unveiling.”

Upon learning of their ghastly mistake, many in the crowd were embarrassed. Some stood before Ali and apologized, while others walked away, their eyes fixed to the ground. Ali accepted the apologies of those who were sorry, but had some choice words for the children who decided to scale his body. Several witnesses reported him scolding the kids in his agonizingly slow cadence.

“You…little…shit…come here…so…I…can strangle…you,” the champ uttered. “Don’t you…know…
who…I…am? I’m…the…greatest…of…all…time…I…protested...the…Vietnam...war. I…stood…up…to…the…establishment…with…my…voice…of…protest…and…was…an...inspiration to…millions of…”

But before Ali could finished, the impatient crowd had already dispersed and migrated over to the actual statue, which they gazed upon in admiration.

“Now that’s a statue,” said McAuliffe, who had complained about the lifelessness of the actual Ali. “I really like the way they used the younger Ali – confident, cocksure, swaggering. This is the guy who taught America how to laugh, love, and live, according to that Sportscentury episode I saw.”

“I’m inspired just to be standing in front of this wonderful statue,” said Michael Champagne, 37, a longtime fan of Ali. “It’s a lot better than standing in front of the actual Ali. I swear, I stood there for a good half-hour, and didn’t feel inflamed or enriched or moved at all. I did feel a little hungry, though. I got a falafel.”

Despite the confusion over the statue, the ceremony was a roaring success. The official unveiling was greeted with a thunderous ovation from the crowd, while the champ beamed with pride from the podium.
Paul Jergenson, curator of the Muhammad Ali museum in downtown Louisville, kicked off the ceremony with a speech honoring the champ.

“Ladies and gentlemen, we are here to honor an American icon,” Jergenson began. “A symbol of freedom, civil rights, and fiery passion for justice, and the embodiment of the spirit of America. An emblem of courage, will-to-win, human compassion, and unadulterated greatness. Although no introduction is needed, it is my honor to introduce to you…the Muhammad Ali statue!”

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