LOS ANGELES--Arte Moreno, owner of the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim, has field a lawsuit against the Los Angeles Dodgers in an attempt to force them to stop using the phrase “Los Angeles.” Experts say he faces an uphill battle, but Moreno believes he has the law on his side, especially after a judge gave him permission to use “Los Angeles” for his Angels, despite the fact that they are located in Anaheim.

Moreno called the lawsuit “a slam dunk.”

“It’s very simple. They need to cease and desist using the phrase 'Los Angeles' in their team name,” said Moreno, who added the phrase to his team’s name in order to connect with the larger, more high-profile city. “There can only be one LA team, not two, and a judge just ruled that we were the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim. The makes the Dodgers something else. How about the 'Southern California Dodgers' or the 'Golden State Dodgers?' Get creative, guys, because the party’s over. You’re not going to be riding our coat tails any longer.”

The lawsuit contends that the Angels are sole owners of the phrase “Los Angeles” and are “identified with the city” in a way that the Dodgers are not.

“When people think of LA, they think of the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim,” Moreno said. “The two go hand in hand. Right now the Dodgers are interfering with our ability to be financially competitive in the market. There’s simply not enough room for two baseball teams in this town. The Angels are Los Angeles – and Anaheim, of course. We haven’t forgotten you, Anaheim-ians. Keep buying those tickets!”

The Dodgers have been Los Angeles’s only baseball team since 1958 and have never been challenged by anyone else. Still, the ownership is taking Moreno’s lawsuit seriously, as they know he is extremely persistent and crazy.

Owner Frank McCourt is prepared for a long and grueling court battle, but vowed never to surrender the name “Los Angeles.”

“We will win this battle, but it’s going to be long and it could be bloody,” said McCourt, who purchased the team in 2004. “Common sense would dictate that we are the rightful owners of 'Los Angeles’ since we actually are based in this city and have been since 1958. To call ourselves something else wouldn’t even make sense. The people of LA would be outraged! Well not outraged exactly, but slightly miffed. Actually not even that, since the people of LA lack the capacity to feel anything as far as I can tell.”

Legal experts say that if Moreno succeeds, the case could lead to similar lawsuits and set a dangerous precedent for other sports franchises.

“This thing could open up a whole can of worms for other teams,” said legal analyst Roger Cossack on Sportscenter. “It’s weird enough that the Angels would want to use the name ‘Los Angeles’ but it’s really weird that they’d want to forbid the Dodgers from doing it. What if, say, the Oakland Athletics want to get a piece of the Seattle fan base? What if the Cleveland Indians wanted to use the name ‘Cincinnati?’ Where does it stop? This is madness! Are we done yet? What? 10 more seconds? It’s madness I tell you! Utter, utter, utter….madness. Thanks for having me.”

The madness may already be starting. Tuesday morning, the owner of the San Diego Padres announced that his team’s name would be changed to ‘The Anaheim Padres of San Diego’ in an effort to capitalize on the lucrative Anaheim market, which itself is being enhanced by the Los Angeles market.

Said owner John Moores: “In order to remain competitive for years to come in the southern California market, the Padres will be attaching the name ‘Anaheim’ to their moniker. We will still be based in San Diego, however, and have nothing at all to do with Anaheim, but it doesn’t hurt to have two names because you can appeal to people in two different cities. I sure hope Arte Moreno is OK with this. I know what a stickler he is for justice and fair play.”

  Copyright 2006, The Brushback - Do not reprint without permission. This article is satire and is not intended as actual news.

Copyright 2005, The Brushback - Do not reprint without permission. This article is satire and is not intended as actual news.