LOS ANGELES--Darius McKinney, reserve forward for the LA Clippers, spends his weekends reading to blind schoolchildren at a school in Irvine, CA. Charity work is as much a part of his life as basketball, and McKinney relishes the chance to give back to the community, especially after a judge sentenced him to community service for his role in recent night club brawl.

“It was either read to the kids or go to jail for 90 days,” said McKinney. “I thought about it long and hard but in the end I decided to do the charity work. Giving back to the community is so very rewarding, especially since there’s no danger of being anally raped or stabbed with a shiv.”

The children at the Lentz Academy for the Blind hang on McKinney’s every word as he reads from “The Little Engine That Could” or “Clifford the Big Red Puppy” while serving his sentence for spitting on a waitress and bludgeoning a bartender with a pool stick.

“Seeing the look on the kid’s faces—that’s what makes this all worthwhile,” said McKinney. “You can make them so happy just by reading them a little story and spending some time with them. When my community service is up in 67 days, 13 hours and 32 minutes, I sure will miss it. In fact, this experience has been so rewarding that I’m almost glad I spit on that woman.”

McKinney was arrested last spring after a drunken rampage that started when he spit on a waitress who bungled his order and then beat an intervening bartender with a pool stick. McKinney later apologized for the incident, saying that it was nothing more than a misunderstanding. However, the judge in the case wanted more than an apology and sentenced McKinney to a 90-day jail sentence or 100 hours of community service. After consulting with his lawyer, McKinney chose the community service.

“I was wrong to injure that barkeep and spit on that waitress,” said McKinney. “I understand that and I fully admit it. Now I’m paying my debt to society by doing community service. I have to admit, though, it’s a pretty sweet deal. I sit here and read for a few hours and avoid a hellish stint in the county jail. Then the United Way people come in and take a bunch of pictures of me with these kids crawling all over me, and I look like fucking Santa Claus. And to think, if there was any justice in this world I’d be locked in an 8-foot cell reading the Bible all day.”

The children of the Lentz Academy don’t seem to care that McKinney is giving back to the community to avoid a jail sentence. They are so enamored with a 6’9 forward that they’re hoping he keeps coming back even after he has fulfilled his legal obligations.

A teacher at the academy, Kim Robbins, has personally asked McKinney to return on a regular basis after his community service obligations are fulfilled. She said he was very receptive to the idea.

“I asked him to keep coming out of the goodness of his heart,” said Robbins. “Even though it’s an inconvenience, I told him that giving back to the community is its own reward. Just look at the smiles on the children’s faces. Just look how happy he is making them. I’m telling you, he was very receptive to the idea. He was actually quite thrilled with it. So much so that he fell to the ground laughing. So you see, this community service is bringing him joy, too.”

Despite Miss Robbins’ optimism, McKinney is said to be counting the minutes until his time is up.

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