Lovie Smith Wishes He Had Some Sort Of Backup Quarterback

CHICAGO--After a second straight week in which his starting quarterback, Rex Grossman, struggled, Bears head coach Lovie Smith admitted that it would be nice to have some sort of backup option to bring in when his first string quarterback falters.

“It’s time like this when you’d like to have another signal-caller back there,” Smith told reporters on Tuesday. “You know, somebody with pro experience who could come in and take over the job when your starter isn’t getting the job done, a proven commodity who can at least control the offense without turning the ball over all the time. That would be terrific, but if a frog had wings, it wouldn’t bump its ass hopping, right? You’ve got to make due with what you have, which is why Rex is the only quarterback I will ever, ever use.”

During Sunday’s game against the Chiefs, Grossman was intercepted twice and was booed lustily by the crowd in attendance. Smith said he understands the fans’ frustration, but there is little he can do without a “relief quarterback” or “substitute quarterback” to take over for Grossman.

“Believe me, I can hear the boos,” said Smith. “I don’t blame them. I’m booing myself. We need to get much more out of the quarterback position. In a perfect world, in a utopia, I would be able to look down the sidelines and summon a relief QB, sort of like a relief pitcher, to come into the game and take over the offense. But this isn’t baseball, folks. This is football. You have to dance with the one who brung ya. If Rex can't get the job done, the only thing I can do is eliminate the QB position altogether.”

Smith’s criticism of Grossman came as a surprise since he has been steadfastly loyal to his QB for the past year. However, he did stress that Grossman led the team to the Super Bowl last season and has done a good job “not totally ruining everything.”

“He hasn’t totally ruined the whole team,” said Smith. “We did get to the Super Bowl last season with him at the helm. Also, he threw a touchdown pass in the preseason that was a pretty tight spiral. And he almost never fumbles on hand-offs. And he’s a spirited kid with a great attitude and he doesn’t do any of that dog fighting crap. His biggest flaw is that he can’t throw the football to his receivers with any consistency. That’s one aspect of his game he needs to work on if he’s going to prevent me from killing myself.”

When one reporter in attendance mentioned that Brian Griese is the team’s backup quarterback and can legally come into the game at any time, Smith was perplexed.

“Griese? No, that’s not true. He can’t just come in like Mariano Rivera and take over when Rex is faltering,” he said. “That’s a misinterpretation of the rule. Brian’s job is to take snaps in practice and then mentor Rex during games. I believe if I were to bring him in we would have to surrender some draft choices or something. You’re probably thinking of Arena Football. They can do pretty much whatever they want in that league because nobody gives a flying fuck about it.”

Later on Tuesday, Smith announced the waiving of Brian Griese, claiming that his faulty mentoring skills were to blame for Grossman’s struggles.

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