BALTIMORE--Hours after their team’s stunning defeat at the hands of the Indianapolis Colts, fans of the Baltimore Ravens gathered in front of the Colts’ team bus and refused to let them leave the stadium parking lot. The last time the Colts left Baltimore, in 1984, they relocated to Indianapolis and never came back.

Baltimore residents weren’t about to let that happen again.

“We’re not letting them leave,” said one fan who was part of a human chain surrounding the Colts team bus. “We already made that mistake once, and it’s not going to happen again. Go back inside, guys! Get ready for next week’s game! It’s gonna be a corker! Okay, they’re not moving. Looks like they’re going to try and wait us out. Well, we're not going anywhere. Apparently they're mistaking us for people with dignity.”

The throng of fans began to form near the M & T Bank Stadium player’s parking lot prior to the game and grew larger as the game went on. By the time it was over, thousands were standing at the entrance, blocking the way for the Colts team bus.

Police officer Dennis Marks said the crowd was enthusiastic but peaceful.

“There haven’t been any problems so far,” he told a reporter from WBAL-TV. “These folks just want to come out and make their voices heard. They’re proud Baltimoreans trying to right a wrong. Frankly, I have half a mind to join them, but I’m only here in case things get violent, or if the team tries to do something stupid like escape.”

According to fans in attendance, their immediate aim was to get the Colts to exit the team bus and retreat to the locker room, where they would spend the week sleeping, eating, and preparing for the conference championship. The rest of the plan was unclear.

“I’m sure the league and the people of Indianapolis can understand that we’re just reclaiming what’s rightfully ours,” said a 32-year-old Baltimore resident. “Why can’t they just play as the Baltimore Colts next week and see how it goes? If it goes good, maybe we can talk about making it permanent. If not, maybe we’ll come to some other sort of arrangement. That’s it. That’s the whole plan. Okay, so it’s not particularly well thought out. We’re an angry mob. What do you expect?”

By midnight, the crowd had nearly doubled in size. Police were on the scene but refused to disperse the crowd, calling it a “peaceful demonstration” designed to “raise awareness that the Colts weren’t going anywhere.”

On the bus, the mood was somber.

“Oh my God are we ever going to get out of here?” asked tight end Dallas Clark. “These people are nuts. Can’t they just be happy with the Ravens? They’re a good team. They have some talent. Maybe next year they'll get their revenge on us and knock us out of the playoffs. Until then, just accept the fact that we won the game and that your starting quarterback somehow aged five years in the second half.”

“We’ll get home eventually,” said a more relaxed Peyton Manning. “The fans here are just emotional. You can’t really blame them. It was pretty underhanded for this team to just up and leave in the middle of the night 23 years ago. Still, it turned out to be the best decision for us. I don’t want to live in Baltimore. Have you seen The Wire? That place is a hell on earth. It makes Indianapolis look livable.”

It wasn’t until 6 o’clock the next morning that police began dispersing the crowd on orders from Mayor Martin O’Malley. The fans, exhausted but still feisty, cursed former Colts owner Bob Irsay as they shuffled out of the parking lot.

“Goddamn Bob Irsay. What a prick,” said 40 year-old Reggie Pagel, a former Colts season ticket holder. “I wish he were alive today to see all this. What a statement we made, standing out here all night and refusing to let them leave. I bet the Ravens were pretty impressed, too. They probably never realized how passionate and fiery we were. After this, I bet we’ll never lose another free agent again.”

Late Monday night, however, witnesses reported seeing a fleet of 18-wheelers emblazoned with the Ravens logo exiting M & T Bank Stadium parking lot. Calls to the Ravens offices were not returned.

Copyright 2007, The Brushback - Do not reprint without permission. This article is satire and is not intended as actual news.