BOSTON--Red Sox pitcher Josh Beckett’s fiery demeanor, which has made him one of the most feared pitchers in the game, is apparently starting to rub off on opposing batters, who have hit a staggering 27 home runs against him this season. Becket isn't worried, however, and he welcomes the challenge of facing hitters who are practically foaming at the mouth to face him.

“You know, when I get on the mound, I have a take-no-prisoners attitude,” said Beckett, owner of a hard-nosed 5.12 ERA this season. “I like to pump my fists, I like to curse, and most of all, I like to fire my 97 mph fastball in there, over and over and over again. Yes! It kicks ass! The only downside is that hitters know it’s coming and they get all geared-up whenever they face me. You should see how pumped up they are. It’s like looking in a mirror, except I’m holding a bat and hitting a 450 foot home run.”

Beckett allowed only 14 long balls last season with the Florida Marlins. He’s at a loss to explain the increase this year, except to point out that he’s still adjusting to a new league.

“Definitely adjusting to the new league and getting to know the hitters is part of it,” said Beckett. “Other than that, I don’t know. Hitters just seem to really enjoy facing me now. They’re not even afraid of me. I'll bet getting one of those fastballs under the chin would humble them a little bit. I just wish I had that kind of control. Whenever I throw them they go right down the middle. Great if you’re a pitching machine, terrible if you’re an actual pitcher.”

The Red Sox acquired Beckett in the offseason with the hope that he would develop into a power pitcher in the Roger Clemens mold. So far that hasn’t happened, but the team isn’t giving up hope just yet.

“The guy has tremendous stuff, but he gets into trouble when he tries to challenge hitters too much,” he said. “He needs to mix in some breaking balls. He also needs to harness that fiery demeanor of his. It’s probably not a good thing to pump your fist after you let up a tape measure home run. And for God’s sake stop yelling ‘fastball!’ whenever you’re about to throw a fastball. It helps the batter. Plus it’s completely unnecessary because you don’t have any other pitches.”

Beckett has been receptive to Varitek’s suggestions, but has been unable to get back on track. Hitters still look forward to facing him, much in the same way that he looks forward to facing them.

Blue Jays centerfielder Vernon Wells, who hit 2 home runs off Beckett during a game in May, says that facing Beckett brings out the best in him.

“Yes! Come on! I love facing Josh Beckett,” Wells exclaimed. “I get so goddamn pumped up. Once you get the timing down, it’s just bombs away. He is a fiery competitor, though. I’ll give him that. It’s like someone took Bob Gibson’s attitude and put it in Jeff Weaver’s body. I’m just sorry that it’s going to be 45 days, 13 hours, and 27 minutes until I can face him again.”

To acquire Beckett, the Red Sox gave up highly-touted prospect Hanley Ramirez, who is currently in the running to win Rookie of the Year honors in the National League. If Beckett doesn’t turn it around, the trade could go down as one of the worst in Theo Epstein’s tenure in Boston.

“You’re talking about a guy who's 26 years old here, and look at the stuff he has,” Epstein said. “When you have that kind of stuff it’s just a matter of learning how to use it effectively. Plus, Hanley Ramirez isn’t that great a prospect. Slick fielding infielders are a dime a dozen. Trust me. I didn’t become the most overrated GM in all of sports by making dumb moves.”

  Copyright 2006, The Brushback - Do not reprint without permission. This article is satire and is not intended as actual news.

Copyright 2005, The Brushback - Do not reprint without permission. This article is satire and is not intended as actual news.