NEW YORK--Yankees centerfielder Bernie Williams is not just a baseball player, but a skilled jazz guitarist. His debut album, “The Journey Within,” was released in 2003 to critical acclaim and his subtle, intricate style has earned him the respect of jazz musicians everywhere, as well as guest appearances with artists like Bela Fleck and Jazz Mandolin Project.

In contrast, his once-awesome baseball skills have disintegrated to the point where he is now, officially, a better jazz guitarist than baseball player.

“I remember when Bernie was a superstar baseball player that dabbled in jazz guitar,” said teammate Derek Jeter. “That was a long time ago. Now whenever I see Bernie, I think ‘musician’ instead of ‘ballplayer,’ even when he’s wearing his baseball uniform and actually playing baseball. And when he gets up to bat, I feel the same sense of dread I would feel if Bela Fleck or Pat Metheny were getting up to bat.”

Williams batted .249 last season and has started off slow again this year. Some are hoping he can recapture the form that made him one of baseball’s top all around players, but at 38, that appears unlikely.

“Bernie is in what we like to call the ‘twilight’ of his career,” said manager Joe Torre. “He just doesn’t have the bat speed that he used to have. He’s got nothing to be ashamed of, though. It happens to the best of them. The good news for Bernie is that he’ll always have his music career to fall back on. If I were him I’d fall back on it now. At this point the strongest part of his baseball game is his throwing arm.”

As a guitarist, Williams has never been better. In fact, after his album came out, former Beatle Paul McCartney signed him to a publishing deal with his own record company. One might say he’s entering his prime as a musician.

“The better I get at guitar, the shittier I get as a baseball player,” said Williams. “I can envision a time in my life where I’ll be known as ‘Bernie Williams – musician,’ instead of ‘Bernie Williams – baseball player.’ The reason I can envision it so well is that it’s happening right now. I am the Carlos Santana of Major League Baseball. And I don’t mean that my baseball skills are equal to Santana’s guitar skills. I mean that my baseball skills are equal to his baseball skills.”

After this season, Williams may have even more time to dedicate to music. He has not announced whether he will retire, but speculation is rampant that this is his last season.

“I’m not sure what I’ll do at the end of the season,” he said. “I could conceivably go somewhere else and play if the Yankees don’t want me. I’ve accomplished enough in my career that I can chill out for a few years in the National League somewhere, maybe in San Diego, and earn a paycheck pinch hitting and stuff. I’m cool with that. That’s pretty much why San Diego exists, isn’t it?”

If and when he does retire, Williams will have another career waiting for him as a touring jazz musician.

“I remember one of my idols, Pat Metheny, told me that if my guitar playing ever got up to par with my baseball playing, I’d be the next Eric Clapton. Well, it’s finally happened, but not exactly in the way I had planned. I don’t think I’m the next Eric Clapton at this point - unless you’re talking about my ability to hit a fastball.”

  Copyright 2006, The Brushback - Do not reprint without permission. This article is satire and is not intended as actual news.

Copyright 2005, The Brushback - Do not reprint without permission. This article is satire and is not intended as actual news.