MANHATTAN, KS--The Texas Longhorns chances of repeating as national champions went by the wayside on Saturday, after star quarterback Colt McCoy was forced to leave the game with a boo-boo on his shoulder. The “injury” occurred in the first quarter with Texas up 7-0 and led to an eventual 45-42 upset at the hands of unranked Kansas State.

After the game, Longhorns coach Mack Brown said he was disappointed that McCoy had to leave the game, but stopped short of blaming him for the loss.

“It certainly hurt us when Colt went out of the game, but it wasn’t really his fault that we lost,” said Brown, whose team now has two losses. “We did score 42 points, so it’s not like our offense totally shut down. That being said, you want your star quarterback and team leader in there for a game like this. Seeing him leave the field after getting that boo-boo was a little demoralizing. It’s not like his arm was hanging off. I’m sure he was in pain, but, you know, you want to at least pretend to have a set of balls while you’re out there.”

McCoy sustained the boo-boo on a one-yard touchdown run in the first quarter, which left him pinned under a pile of players in the end zone. At the bottom of the pile, somebody grazed his shoulder or something and he was removed from the game.

His early exit was a pleasant surprise for Wildcat defenders.

“I can’t tell you how shocked we all were to see Colt leaving the game like that,” said linebacker Brandon Archer. “One minute he’s scoring the first of what we assumed would be many touchdowns, and the next minute he’s gone. I guess he must have been hurt pretty bad. Still, I can’t help but think if that was Vince Young out there, he would have found a way to carry on. He would never, ever come out of a game unless he was paralyzed or something. But that's Vince. Colt's more of a conventional quarterback, in the sense that he's a giant crybaby.”

McCoy’s exit was surprising in part because he’s been such a dependable leader all season. The redshirt freshman is ninth in the nation with a QB rating of 172.7 and owns the record for most touchdowns thrown by a Longhorns quarterback in one season, with 27.

Up until Saturday, there were no outward signs of him being such a pussy.

“Colt’s been great for us this season,” said Texas running back Selvin Young. “He’s done everything that’s been expected of him and more. That’s why this whole thing came out of left field. He seemed like such a warrior until he got hurt. I guess we just misjudged him. I mean, leaving the field because of a stinger? That's crazy. Stingers cause numbness. Not being able to feel your arm is no excuse for quitting on your teammates like that.”

It was not immediately known if McCoy will be available for next weekend’s showdown with Texas A & M, but coach Mack Brown said he was operating under the assumption that McCoy would not be playing.

“We just don’t know the severity of the injury right now, but we have to assume he’s not going to be ready and just game plan that way,” said Brown. “We have Jevan to take over behind center. He’s pretty good as well. He’s got a great attitude and he’s tough as nails. Our national title hopes are over anyway, so I could put the place-kicker in there and it wouldn’t make a damn difference to anybody. No offense to whatever stiffs we’re playing in the Big 12 championship.”

When reached for comment about his boo-boo, McCoy insisted that he was forbidden from returning to the game by the team’s medical staff.

“Why is everybody questioning my injury?” he asked. “I really am hurt. Ever have a shoulder stinger? It’s a pinched nerve. It kills, and mine was worse than normal, so that’s why I came out of the game. I’ll tell you one thing, though: I’m definitely coming back next week. Even though we won’t repeat as national champions, we can still go out and win a bowl game. The situation could be a lot worse. We could be some MAC-10 team heading to the Meineke Car Car.com Bowl or something. We could be playing on a blue field. Or worst of all, we could be going to the national championship game to get our asses kicked by Ohio State.”


Copyright 2006, The Brushback - Do not reprint without permission. This article is satire and is not intended as actual news.