Carlos Boozer Wishes Suckers In Cleveland Could See Him Now

SALT LAKE CITY, UT--Sitting on the bench in Utah’s Delta Center, Jazz forward Carlos Boozer can’t help but smile. Just last year he was public enemy number one in Cleveland after skipping town to sign a deal with the Jazz despite the fact that he had a "verbal agreement" with the Cavaliers.

After being subjected to months of scorn and ridicule at the hands of Cleveland fans, Boozer is wishing those suckers could see him now.

“Yep, who’s laughing now, Cleveland?” said Boozer, while sitting in a folding chair behind the Jazz bench in street clothes. “I was such a villain last year, wasn’t I? Man, everyone hated me. Some even said I was foolish to leave my situation in Cleveland for a few extra bucks. Well, well, well…I hate to say I told you so, but I’m having a pretty fine time here in Utah. Look at me. I’ve got courtside seats. Heck I might even play at some point. There’s nothing like being vindicated.”

Boozer said he actually felt sorry for the people of Cleveland, and wished their team was smart enough to match Utah’s $70 million contract offer.

“Man, those poor, sorry bastards,” he said. “Yelling and screaming about me, sending me hate mail, when all the while the real culprit was right under their noses. If [Jim] Paxson matched the offer, I’d still be there. Just think, I could be sitting behind the Cleveland bench right now looking all dapper in my cable knit sweaters and khakis, but instead I'm here in Utah. The fans here love me, too. They're always chanting my name and tossing me free stuff, like paper cups, half empty bottles of beer, and rocks.”

When asked about his supposed verbal agreement with the Cavaliers to remain in Cleveland, Boozer claimed to know nothing about it. He accused GM Jim Paxson of fabricating the deal to make him look bad.

“I don’t know what they’re talking about with the verbal agreement crap,” Boozer said. “Here’s what happened: They told me they would let me become a restricted free agent as long as I didn’t go off and sign with someone else. That way they could sign me to the long term deal I wanted instead of keeping me at my base salary. It was actually a really nice gesture on their part. Anyway, I said ‘sure’ and then as soon as Utah offered me a deal I bolted like someone yelled fire. But I don’t know anything about any verbal agreement.”

In Utah, Boozer isn’t much more popular than he was in Cleveland. The fans there have lost patience with his chronic injuries and even the owner, Larry Miller, has questioned his effort. Miller says if he could do it all over again, he would avoid the Boozer signing altogether.

“All in all I’d say this worked out horribly for us,” Miller told reporters yesterday. “I mean,, we knew he had no integrity, but we at least thought he could play, or better yet, stay on the court for more than 5 minutes at a time. I wonder if the people in Cleveland are laughing at us right now. Actually that’s a silly question. Everybody is laughing at us. We’re Mormons.”

Over in Cleveland, the Cavaliers are 8-2 and a half game behind the Detroit Pistons. Lebron James has evolved into one of the best players in the league, and this year’s team appears to be poised for an extended playoff run.

New GM Danny Ferry was not involved in the Boozer negotiations, but he knows his team is getting along just fine without him.

“I think our record speaks for itself,” said Ferry, who was hired in the offseason by owner Dan Gilbert. “We’re not lacking for too much right now. Carlos was a good player while he was here but it certainly worked out for the best to have him run off to Utah. Has he even played? I haven’t heard anything about him. Gee, I hope he’s doing OK. If you see him, tell him that Danny Ferry says hi, and that yes, we can see him now, and he looks like a fucking tool.”