TAMPA--The 0-7 Tampa Bay Buccaneers have tried everything to get a victory this season. Well, almost everything. On Sunday, in a move that confirms they have given up on the 2009 season, the Bucs will start Brady Quinn at quarterback against the Green Bay Packers.

Coach Raheem Morris says he wants to see what Quinn can do for the remainder of the season.

“At this point we just want to see what Brady can do,” Morris said. “It certainly can’t hurt us. Our season is over. We’re just throwing stuff against the wall and seeing what sticks. Actually, last night I literally threw something against the wall, but it didn't stick. It just shattered all over the place. It was a snow globe, and it was the last thing in my office that hadn’t already been smashed.”

Morris said he considered starting rookie Josh Freeman, but didn’t want to put him in such a difficult situation.

“Putting Josh in there right now is just setting him up for failure,” Morris. “He’s a young kid and a bad start could really ruin his confidence. Brady, on the other hand, is a little more seasoned. He’s already started some games for the Browns, and his confidence is already lying in splinters at his feet. So there’s nowhere to go but up for him. Or possibly sideways, like a screen pass, which is all he’ll be throwing.”

Josh Johnson, who showed some flashes of competence in his short stint as starter, took his demotion in stride. The second year QB from San Diego wished Quinn luck and vowed to “be ready” if another opportunity arises.

“I wish Brady all the luck in the world,” he said. “My job now is just to prepare myself every week as if I’ll be starting. Is it tough to lose your job to someone with such a shaky track record? Yes, but more than that, it’s just tough to lose your job to someone who’s not even on your team and who was so bad on his own team that he was replaced by a guy with a quarterback rating lower than Cliff Lee’s ERA. But you know, I’m taking it in stride.”

As for Quinn, he is busy learning the Bucs’ playbook and trying to get on the same page as his receivers. He knows this may be his last, best opportunity to prove he can be a starter in this league.

“I just appreciate the confidence that Coach Morris has shown in me,” said Quinn. “Hopefully my performance here can show the Browns that I can play. Or something. Honestly, I’m so confused about this situation I don’t even know what to say. Not confused by the strange roster machinations that must have taken place for me to play for the Bucs, but confused that any team, no matter how bad, would want me as their quarterback. But you know what they about this league: any given Sunday.”

Copyright 2009, The Brushback - Do not reprint without permission. This article is satire and is not intended as actual news.