NEW YORK--Just days after signing a lucrative 5-year deal with the New York Yankees, starting pitcher A.J. Burnett is experiencing a familiar sensation: shoulder stiffness. The oft-injured righty first experienced the stiffness two weeks ago but didn’t have the heart to tell the Yankees, who just spent $82 million on him.

Currently, Burnett is sitting at home and hoping it will goes away.

“Ouch. There it is again,” Burnett said, grabbing his right shoulder. “It’s like when I move it this way, I feel this tightness. Eh, anyway, there’s no reason to tell the Yankees about it. Poor bastards just dropped 82 mil on me. I’m better off just trying to pitch through it and hoping I get good run support.”

Burnett, who had Tommy John surgery in 2003 and has been on the disabled list nine times in his career, is used to being injured. However, after making it through 2008 in good health he was hoping to ride that momentum to a healthy 2009. That hope may be starting to vanish.

“Worst case scenario, I’ll do permanent damage to my shoulder and won’t be able to pitch anymore,” he said. “It’s just disappointing because I really thought I turned a corner last season with my health. I just have to make sure that when I arrive in spring training and I go to shake Joe Girardi’s hand, that I don’t scream in pain. And if I do I’ll have to tell him that’s how I greet people. Then every time I see him I’ll have to do that. This is why I hate lying.”

When Burnett filed for free agency at the end of 2008, he expected to receive a three year deal in the area of 40 or 50 million dollars. The Yankees offer overwhelmed him to the point where he almost felt guilty accepting it.

“You know when you receive a gift that is so off the wall, so over the top, that you actually feel guilty accepting it?” he asked. “That’s how I felt when the Yankees offered me this deal. I was like ‘Brian, I can take this.’ He was like ‘Take it. What the fuck do I care? It’s not my money.’ So I took it. And I’ll be indebted to the Yankees forever – literally, if they find out I’m hiding this injury.”

In a conversation with Cashman Monday night, Burnett told him he was feeling “super” and that he looked forward to a healthy 2009. For his part, Cashman saw no reason to doubt his new starter.

“I talked to A.J. recently and he is very excited about coming to spring training and starting his career with the Yankees,” said Cashman. “He’s finally learned how to pitch rather than try to overpower everyone, so we expect him to have fewer injuries than in the past. Unless, of course, he already has an injury that he’s hiding from us. But that’s impossible. Anybody who dons these pinstripes and understands what it means to be a Yankee is incapable of lying.”

The Burnett signing, along with the Sabathia and Teixiera signings, have positioned the Yankees as the team to beat in the A.L. For Cashman, the return to the bold, big-spending ways of previous Yankee dynasties has been a long time coming.

“I think we sort of got away from our way of doing things,” said Cashman. “Now we’re back to doing what we do best: identifying our needs and doing whatever is necessary to fill them. Plus, with this recession we’re in, it’s really important to get quality talent in here so we can attract fans to fill those luxury boxes, three quarters of which remain empty. I kind of wish we sold them before that whole Bernie Madoff thing happened.”

Copyright 2008, The Brushback - Do not reprint without permission. This article is satire and is not intended as actual news.