Plaxico Burress Berates Ball For Falling Out Of His Hands

NEW YORK--Giants receiver Plaxico Burress, who had two crucial turnovers in yesterday’s loss to the Seattle Seahawks, was seen berating the football on the sidelines during the game. Burress pleaded with the ball to “step up” and “bring it,” but the ball was unresponsive.

“Come on, motherfucker! Get your head in the game! Bring it!” Burress screamed, spraying spittle all over the ball. “You’re killing us out there. I catch that last ball, we’ve got a first down and maybe even a touchdown. Let’s go! Are the dogs in the house? Are the dogs in the house? Hello?”

He then spiked the ball to the ground in disgust, only to retrieve it moments later and take a softer tone.

“Look, man, you’re the ball, and we need you out there if we’re going to win this game,” he said. “Come on, just concentrate, and when I cradle you in my arms, stay there. Don’t go squirting out, even if I get hit. Come on, dog! I know you can do it! Let’s go!”

Unfortunately, Burress would not get back into the game. He took the ball to task once again while talking to reporters in the clubhouse.

“If we’re going to get anywhere this season, we’ve got to start making plays,” he said. “We can’t be having all these turnovers. Today I was victimized by two big drops on two passes that would have resulted in first downs and maybe more. I’m not going to stand here and point fingers, but everybody in this locker room, from the quarterback to the o-line to the footballs, need to be held accountable. Even I need to be held accountable, because I failed to scream at the offensive line enough this week to make them better. I owe an apology to my teammates for that.”

There seems to be a lot of blame to go around for the Giants struggles this year. Some blame the defensive line, which was supposed to be one of the best in football, for recording only 2 sacks so far this season. Others, like tight end Jeremy Shockey, blame the coaching staff.

“We were out coached today. That’s the bottom line,” a frustrated Shockey told reporters following the game. “I don’t understand our play calling. We should have gone in the no-huddle after the first quarter. Instead we were running our normal offense for some reason. Our normal offense consists of sacks, dropped passes, turnovers, and a bunch of confused people running into each other. It might be safer to just take a knee on every play, although we’d still have to execute the snap from center, so it wouldn’t be completely fool proof.”

The past two weeks, the Giants have accumulated huge deficits in the first three quarters only to rally in the fourth. In week 2 against the Eagles, the result was a stirring victory. Yesterday, the result was a disheartening loss. The goal from here on in is to start the games with as much intensity as they finish them.

“We can obviously move the ball. We just have to figure out how to harness that so we can do it the entire game,” said Eli Manning, who was 24 of 36 for 275 yards. “But it’s not just that. We have to be able to stop people, too. What happened to our ferocious, expensive pass rush? Wasn’t that supposed to be our greatest strength? And what about our secondary? They should at least make it a little difficult for the receivers to do their jobs. By the middle of the second quarter half of them were running around without shoulder pads.”

With Burress sidelined for the second half, the big question is whether he’ll be back for next week’s game. As far as Burress is concerned, nothing will prevent him from taking the field on Sunday.

“Oh I will be out there,” he said. “My back is feeling better. I want to help my team. Of course I have a lot of things to overcome, like bad passes and balls that fly out of my arms for no reason. But I’ll overcome them. I’m a survivor. I didn’t get where I am today by dropping passes. Wait a minute. Yes I did. Wow, I really am a survivor.”

Email Button Print screen button