Bush Turns Pro-Choice After Daughter Is Impregnated By Ricky Davis

WASHINGTON, DC--President Bush was forced to reconsider his stance on abortion Friday when he learned that his daughter, Jenna, had been impregnated by NBA star Ricky Davis. Bush immediately suggested his daughter have the pregnancy terminated, and promised to re-think his own pro-life beliefs.

“My fellow Americans, now is a time for us to be flexible, understanding, and tolerant,” Bush said in his weekly radio address. “Sure it’s good to be resolute and hold firm to your convictions, but we must also be adaptable to different circumstances. For instance, there are certain situations when safe, professional abortions should not only be legal, but encouraged. This is one of those situations. Besides, it’s only a fetus, not an actual baby.”

Bush’s sudden reversal has taken his supporters by surprise. Many of those who voted for him did so because of his staunch pro-life stance. However, none of them have ever had their daughters impregnated by an NBA player.

White House press secretary Scott McClellan defended the president’s decision at a press conference today.

“It’s easy to criticize people when you haven’t walked in their shoes, but people need to understand that the president is in a unique situation,” said McClellan. “Being pro-life is all well and good when you’ve never had an unwanted pregnancy. But when your daughter gets impregnated by a scary professional basketball player, you must reassess your position. The President still feels that abortion is a sin, but he’s pretty sure God will forgive him for this one.”

Jenna Bush apparently met Davis at a Houston nightclub after a Celtics-Rockets preseason game in October. Davis approached Bush at the bar and introduced himself as an NBA player. Bush, a huge basketball fan, allowed Davis to buy her a drink, and later they were seen together on the dance floor. Afterwards they went to Davis’s hotel room, where the two allegedly had sex.

Davis recounted the incident in an interview with Tom Arnold on Best Damn Sports Show Period.

“Yea, I got it on with the President’s daughter,” said Davis, amid roars of approval from the crowd. “She’s a nice girl. We met up at this club and we hooked up and went back to my room. We talked for a while, then I put in that new R. Kelly CD and went to town. Man, that girl can suck the label off a bottle of Gin. Only problem is she looks too much like her dad. ”

The secret service agents assigned to protect the first daughter were taken to task by the President for failing to prevent the one-night stand. However, the agents defended their actions, insisting that it’s not their job to interfere with her social life.

“We saw her leaving with Mr. Davis. We even stood outside the hotel room while they were in there,” said Lawrence Petty, one of the agents assigned to protect Miss Bush. “She really liked the guy and she wanted to go into his room. What am I supposed to do, physically restrain her? I’m not her mother, I’m just a secret service agent. If he was trying to kill her we would’ve stopped him. But he was only having sex with her, which in this case is probably worse.”

A month later, Jenna went to the hospital with stomach pains and it was revealed she was pregnant. When the president learned who the father was, he wasted no time in making his decision.

“Abort it. Abort it immediately,” he was reported to have said to his daughter. “Call a doctor. We can have it done privately. It’s very simple and it’s safe. It won’t hurt a bit.”

What he couldn’t understand, though, was why his daughter would sleep with someone like Ricky Davis.

“Why Ricky Davis? I don’t understand,” Bush said. “Of all the people you could have sex with, you’ve got to choose this…this…gangster, this thug. I thought I raised you better than that. Now what’s wrong with that young man I introduced you to last week? You know, the boy from the Youth Christian Coalition. He seemed like such a nice boy. All I can say is thank God we live in a country where a woman has the right to choose. I don’t want my first grandson to be born with tattoos.”

Publicly, Bush was much more diplomatic about his daughter’s pregnancy. He praised Davis as a “nice young man” but said that Jenna is not ready to be a mom just yet.

“I have nothing but respect for Mr. Davis and his unparalleled dunking ability,” Bush began, “but simply put, my daughter is still quite young and not ready to be a mother. I realize that abortion is wrong, but having an unwanted baby is wrong, too. To clarify my stance, I do believe in my heart that it is wrong to terminate a pregnancy under most circumstances. So as I authorize this medical procedure, I do so with a heavy heart, but not that heavy, since I’ve already been re-elected.”

Afterwards, Bush announced that he supported abortion procedures for women who have been raped, are at risk of death from pregnancy, or have been impregnated by undesirable members of the National Basketball Association.