NEW YORK--According to a report in the New York Post, Knicks owner James Dolan is attempting to sign coach Larry Brown to a 3-year contract extension with the intention of buying him out afterwards. The move would serve two purposes: one, to jettison the coach responsible for last year’s debacle, and two, to spend as much money as possible in the process.

One NBA executive, who spoke to the Knicks officials recently, claimed that the process would be completed by the end of the week.

“Dolan and Isiah Thomas have decided to say goodbye to Larry Brown,” said the executive, who asked not to be identified. “They’re upset with his public criticism of the players and are ready to hand the reins over to Isiah. But before they do it they’re going to sign Larry to a 3-year extension worth around $30 million. That way when they do buy him out, it will be more costly and embarrassing.”

The executive noted that Brown was against the idea of a buyout at first, but warmed up to it when he learned about the extension.

“Obviously Larry was disappointed to hear that they wanted to get rid of him,” he said. “But when they mentioned the extension he had no real choice but to accept. Who wouldn’t? That’s as sweet a deal as you can get. As for the Knicks, this will probably reinforce their image as incompetent fools. But they’re not going to let public perception dictate how they destroy this team.”

Larry Brown’s agent, Joe Glass, is denying reports that a buyout is imminent. Glass insisted that Brown has “heard nothing” from the Knicks brass and fully intends to return to coach the team next year.

“The reports just aren’t true. We haven’t heard anything about this from James or Isiah,” said Glass, who helped orchestrate Brown’s departure from the Pistons two years ago. “As far as Larry is concerned he will be coaching the Knicks next year. We’ve heard nothing about an extension or any kind of buyout. It’s all lies. Seriously. If you can’t trust me, the agent for Larry Brown, you can’t trust anybody. You’ll never find a more honest and forthcoming individual in your life.”

Glass’s denial sounded eerily similar to the denials he issued during Brown’s buyout negotiations with the Pistons, which is why most insiders feel that he is not to be believed. Compounding that belief is the fact that the Knicks have yet to deny the rumors themselves.

“I’m not going to confirm or deny that stuff at the moment,” Isiah Thomas told the Daily News on Monday. “Would we be interested in buying Larry out? It’s conceivable, sure. Would we want to sign him to an extension first to make it more painful for the organization? Certainly, yes, if we were going to do it, that’s how we would approach it. But that doesn’t necessarily mean the rumors are true. It doesn’t mean they’re false either. It just means that we’ll tell you at the end of the week, which in itself means they’re probably true. I don’t know. Am I the only one who ’s confused here?”

Once the buyout is complete, Thomas is expected to take over as coach and attempt to mold the players he assembled into a serviceable NBA team. However, given Thomas’s history and the current state of the Knicks roster, that scenario is highly unlikely.

“Isiah as coach, huh? That’s going to be fun to watch,” said one Eastern Conference GM. “I suppose it’s as good an option as anything else, though. I mean, Larry Brown certainly wasn’t getting the job done, and you’re not going to get any other respectable coach to take over this mess, so if you’re James Dolan, there are worse options than plugging Isiah Thomas in there. There are worse options than plugging Isiah Thomas in there. Wow, I can't believe I just said that. And I wasn't even talking about an electric chair.”

  Copyright 2006, The Brushback - Do not reprint without permission. This article is satire and is not intended as actual news.

Copyright 2005, The Brushback - Do not reprint without permission. This article is satire and is not intended as actual news.