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MIAMI--Searching for answers after his team’s 0-4 start, Dolphins coach Cam Cameron is said to be “seriously considering” holding daily practice sessions between games. The result would be better-prepared players and a game plan designed specifically to counter the strengths and weaknesses of each individual opponent.

“Whatever we’re doing just isn’t working, and it’s up to me as the head coach to get us on the right track,” said Cameron, following his team’s 35-17 loss to the Raiders. “Unfortunately, the only way to do that may be to get everybody – coaches and players – to come in here four or fives times a week to watch film and practice playing football. Obviously this team can’t handle the responsibility of preparing for the games on their own.”

Among the many benefits of daily practices, says Cameron, will be the ability of the coaches to communicate the game plan to the players.

“Getting together in between games will allow us to tell the players directly what they’re supposed to do when they take the field,” he said. “Then when Sunday rolls around and they are on the field, they can think back to practice and apply what they learned there. We can also have them do push ups and jumping jacks and stuff to build up their stamina. If that doesn’t work, I don’t know what to do. Honestly, I’ll be out of ideas.”

Currently, the Dolphins strategy is to meet every Sunday morning for breakfast and a brief introduction to that week’s opponent. A team prayer follows and then the players take the field and begin stretching exercises.

During the game, Cameron and the rest of his coaches scream out instructions while the play is in progress.

“It’s a different strategy than what I’m used to,” said quarterback Trent Green. “On my old team, the coaches would give me a play that I had practiced dozens of times and I would execute it. With Cam, he just screams ‘Hike!’ and then says ‘Throw it to the tight end!’ or ‘Hand it to Ronnie!’ or ‘Run for your life!' As a player, it gets extremely confusing. On the other hand, it’s nice not to have to go to practice. We practiced every day in Kansas City last year and it was a big fucking waste of time.”

On the defensive side of the ball, the Dolphins are in shambles. The Raiders rushed for 299 yards on Sunday against the normally stout Miami defense, with second stringer Justin Fargas rumbling for a career-high 174. Could regularly-scheduled practices be the answer for the beleaguered unit?

“I would be open to practicing once in a while,” said linebacker Joey Porter. “When I was with Pittsburgh, we would do it all the time, and we would also play these little practice games where we would pretend it was Sunday and execute the game plan in like a dress rehearsal type thing. Don’t get me wrong. It’s not a cure-all for our problems, but at least we’ll have some idea what we’re doing out there. In fact, if we start practicing, I guarantee Justin Fargas will run for less than 174 yards next time he faces us. And you can print that.”

Copyright 2007, The Brushback - Do not reprint without permission. This article is satire and is not intended as actual news.

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Cam Cameron Considers Holding Practices Between Games

October 2 , 2007 Volume 2 Issue 112
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