Chiefs To Spend Offseason Shoring Up Offense

KANSAS CITY, MO--After a disappointing 7-9 finish, the Kansas City Chiefs have announced plans to overhaul their entire offense in an attempt to score more points and overcome their porous defense. The team’s front office will spend all of its money and draft picks on offensive players.

“Obviously there are some gaping holes on this roster that caused us to lose nine games this season,” said GM Carl Peterson during his final press conference of the season. “That is too many losses for a team with this much talent. The fans deserve better than that. But the good news is that we know what our weaknesses are. We need to get a premier wide receiver, maybe a couple of lineman, a solid, dependable backup for Trent [Green], and another running back or two. After filling all those holes, we’ll be fully armed for a run at the Superbowl.”

Peterson indicated that he would use the team’s first pick, the 15th overall, on a running back or receiver. The next priority would be offensive line help, followed by another quarterback. If the team has any money left to sign free agents, it would go for yet another quarterback, just for the hell of it.

“We can have three, four, or five quarterbacks on the roster at any given time,” said Peterson. “It’s not like we’re going to have anything better to spend our money on. I can’t really think of anything else that we need. This team let up so many points last year that it would be supremely foolish of me not to improve our offense in order to compensate for that. And I’m not a stupid man.”

The Chiefs allowed an average of 377 yards per game on defense, second worst behind the New Orleans Saints. Peterson and team owner Lamar Hunt attributed that statistic to the offense's failure to match opposing offense’s gaudy numbers.

“Time and time again our opponents scored 30, 40, or 50 points, and we just couldn’t keep up,” said Hunt. “That’s unacceptable. We have much higher standards than that, and we are not afraid to go out there and get the players we need to compete week in and week out in this league. If that means spending a little money on free agents then so be it. Make no mistake, this offense is going to be a well-oiled machine next year. And if we still can’t win the Superbowl, I’ll give up. I mean, what more can we do?”

The news of the offseason strategy came as a relief to members of the Chiefs defense, many of whom expected to be traded or cut when the season ended. The Chiefs inability to stop opponents from scoring has been a major thorn in their side, but players still lauded the decision to keep the unit together.

“I think it’s a great thing, a real gutsy move,” said cornerback Eric Warfield. “I know a lot of people think they should break up this group, but Mr. Hunt is doing the right thing here. See, sometimes trading or releasing players can be bad for team chemistry. What we need to do is keep this group we have and let them grow together. Maybe we should bring in a new defensive coordinator, though. It’s pretty obvious that Gunther Cunningham is the real problem here.”

Tackle Ryan Sims had similar comments regarding Cunningham, but also laid some blame on the offense.

“Look, I know we let up a lot of points this year, but you have to understand the position we were in,” he said. “Our offense was not picking us up as much as they should have. If they had been able to average 45-48 points per game, that would’ve taken a lot of pressure on us. Instead, every Sunday we have to go out there all stiff and tense, afraid that 12 or 13 little mistakes could cost us the game. We’re only human. There are going to be days when we let up 50 or more points, probably several days. It’ll be nice knowing that we have an offense that can step up and bail us out.”

Cunningham was hired last year to replace the embattled Greg Robinson, whose defense was one of the worst in the NFL. He successfully implemented a new scheme but produced the same subpar results. Cunningham expressed mixed emotions about the team’s decision to leave the defense in tact.

“Oh, they’re going to keep this defense together?” he asked upon hearing the news. “Oh. I see. That’s um…interesting. I guess that’s one way to go about it. Getting more offense should take a little bit of pressure off of us, I suppose. We just have to look at this and see it as a challenge that can either make us or break us. All of this adversity has just made us stronger. Unfortunately it hasn’t made us any better.”