Historic Collapse Most Exciting Thing To Happen To Orioles In 20 Years

BALTIMORE--Once again, the Orioles are the talk of Baltimore. It’s been a long time since the city’s major league baseball franchise has generated this much buzz, but the 2005 edition has taken the city by storm. That’s because the team is in the midst of a historic collapse, the most exciting thing to happen to them in over 20 years.

Sports talk radio host Terry Ford said this is the most talked-about team in more then a decade.

“Man, this is some exciting stuff,” said Ford, a host on 1570AM WNST. “I can’t remember a group of players that have captured the imagination of the fans like this one. People are really responding to them. The indifference of past years is gone. It's been replaced by a seething, intense hatred.”

Each day, the phone lines of WNST are jammed with callers looking to talk about the O’s.

“That’s all people want to talk about,” said Ford. “It’s not just the Terrapins and the Ravens anymore. It’s become a phenomenon. We did a poll, and more than half the people in Baltimore want to kill Lee Mazzilli. Isn't that great? That’s the kind of passion we've been missing for all these years.”

Even though the crowds at Camden Yards are smaller, they’re louder and more involved in the game than before. It seems like every fan has an opinion these days, and they’re not afraid to come to the ballpark and share them.

“Fuck you, Roberts! You suck!” screamed one fan, enthusiastically waving his middle finger. “I’m gonna get you, you son of a bitch. I know where you live.”

Another fan threw a beer on outfielder Jay Gibbons, prompting him to reflect on how much things have changed since he was a rookie.

“Boy this is something I never really experienced in my years with the Orioles,” said Gibbons. “The heckling, the beer throwing, the death threats, the slashed tires—we’ve never gotten this kind of attention before. When I first got here, nobody expected us to do anything, and we didn’t. Now that we have expectations it’s really lit a fire under people. And now that we’ve fallen apart like this, we’re the hottest thing in town. I can't even leave the house anymore. ”

The Orioles have been in the playoffs only twice since 1985. Since Peter Angelos bought the team in 1993, they have had only three winning seasons. Aside from Cal Ripken’s consecutive games record, very little of note has happened to them in the past two decades.

“Let’s see, we won 98 games in 1997, but we lost in the playoffs and that turned out to be an aberration anyway,” said current hitting coach Terry Crowley, who was also with the team during the mid-80’s. “Then we had Cal Ripken's ‘record’ which, if you ask me, was a little blown out of proportion. Then when Ripken retired the team really went down hill. We were second fiddle to the Ravens, for God’s sake. Now finally we’re getting the attention we deserve. I just wish it was for something positive. Actually, we did fire Lee Mazzilli. That’s pretty positive.”

The firing of Mazzilli has thrust even more attention on the team, as residents of the city take turns weighing in on the matter. Some have even found themselves tuning in to sports talk radio.

“I’ve never listened to sports talk radio before, but now I can’t stop,” said 38-year-old nurse Sara Pinkerton. “Last week I even called in to one of the shows. I got into an argument with a caller named ‘Cliff from Bethesda’ about who should be the next manager. Things got pretty intense, and I ended up getting disconnected for calling him a cocksucker. That's the first time I've ever used that word. It won't be the last, though. I'm going to the game on Saturday.”

For the players, all the attention is a mixed blessing.

“Hey, you know what? At least we’re getting some recognition now,” said first baseman BJ Surhoff. “This team is the talk of the town. We’ve never experienced that before, not for such a prolonged period of time. Everywhere I go, it’s ‘BJ you suck,’ or ‘BJ please retire,’ or ‘BJ you’re a faggot.’ It’s great. This team is going to be remembered for a long time. The story will be passed down from generation to generation. The ’05 Orioles: the team that fucked up so bad that people actually started paying attention to them.”