TEMPE, AZ--Arizona State freshman Darius Nelson declared himself eligible for the 2005 NBA draft after hitting a layup Friday night in a loss against USC. The uncontested shot occurred late in the fourth quarter with the game already decided, but it was enough to catch the attention of agent Vic Duffy, who advised Nelson to drop out of school and begin training for the NBA. “When I saw Darius hit that shot I knew he was NBA material,” said Duffy. “He just look so poised and focused, and he showed great court vision, too. This kid is wasting his time playing with these stiffs. He needs to get off this team, get out of school, and start training. Once teams see footage of that layup, they’re going to be banging down his door.” Nelson originally planned to declare for the draft after his sophomore year, but agreed with Duffy that he should be playing at a higher level. “I’ve been thinking for a while that I’m good enough to play in the NBA,” he said. “Hitting that layup really reinforced that. Coach [Rob] Evans doesn’t really know how to use me. That’s why I’m not a starter. But I think when the NBA scouts see me they’re going to see a guy that has a great head for the game, can play defense, and can dump in a garbage time layup with the best of them.” Now that he’s on the road to the NBA, Nelson has officially hired Duffy to represent him. “Vic thinks I’ll probably go late first or early second round. Just to prove that he was serious and not some kind of con-artist, he made me give him $5,000 as a retainer. That shows that he’s really willing to commit to me.” Nelson’s coach, Rob Evans, disagrees with Duffy’s assertion that he is ready for prime time. He believes Nelson could use another year or two of college in order to polish up his game. “Well, it looks like he’s leaving the team,” Evans said. “I really don’t think it’s a good idea, myself. I don’t think he understands the risk of leaving school early to try out for the NBA. Many players before him have done the same thing and wound up flipping burgers or cleaning toilets. In fact, I’m not even sure he would make the NBA after three or four years of college. He’s too skinny, he has no court sense, he can’t play defense, and his ball-handling skills are nonexistent. A more cynical person might say that his agent is taking advantage of him. As crazy as it sounds, some of these guys are only in it for the money.” As for the layup, Evans admitted it was effective but doesn’t think it was enough to justify a jump to the NBA. “It was a nice layup, I guess. He sort of rolled it off the top of his fingers and it went right in,” he said. “I suppose I could picture him making an NBA team as an undrafted free agent, provided he had a few years in the NBDL under his belt. Now there’s a gold mine for you. Drop out of a Division 1 basketball program so you can die a slow death in the NBDL with a bunch of rejects from the And 1 Street Ball tour. And then we know what comes after that: ‘Good evening, everyone. This is Bob Ley, here with Darius Nelson, a former college basketball player who left school early and fucked up his whole life.’” Even though Nelson is considered to be only a marginally talented player, he believes that his physical skills will be a valuable asset to an NBA team. He also possesses a great deal of mental toughness, which will help him in the transition from college to the pros. “Darius is one of a kind, really,” said Duffy. “Here’s a kid who was raised in a single parent home and spent a lot of his childhood looking out for his younger siblings. He was really the man of the house from the age of 14. That’s the kind of kid that can take on a leadership role on the court and off of it. He can also hit a mean layup. Did I mention that? This kid is the Magic Johnson of uncontested layups.” Nelson admitted that his desire to go pro is financially driven. His mom and three siblings live in a two-bedroom apartment in Phoenix and his girlfriend, Taneesha, is pregnant with the couple’s second child. An NBA contract would go a long way toward easing some of his financial woes. “Definitely I want to be able to take care of my family,” said Nelson. “The first thing I’m going to do is buy my mom a new house. Then I’m gong to get a place for me and Taneesha and the kids. Plus I’ve always wanted one of those Hummers. You’re not an NBA player without one of those. I also have my mandatory tattoos and cornrows, so I can finally achieve my childhood dream of being a conformist.”
This article is satire and is not intended as actual news. Copyright 2005, The Brushback - Do not reprint without permission |
College Basketball Player Declares For Draft After Hitting Uncontested Layup |
January 25th , 2005- Volume 1 Issue 84 |
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