Colorado Pumped Up About Champs Sports Bowl

BOULDER, CO--The Colorado Buffaloes, fresh off their 70-3 drubbing at the hands of the Texas Longhorns, are pumped up about the upcoming Champs Sports Bowl, in which they face the Clemson Tigers. The glitzy, glamorous bowl game gives the Buffaloes a chance to prove to the world that they are among the league’s elite teams.

The game will take place on December 27th, which is not soon enough for some members of the team.

“Oh, why can’t the Champs Sports Bowl start today?” asked quarterback Joel Klatt, who vowed to play despite suffering a concussion in the Texas loss. “December 27th is almost a month away! I’m already jumping out of my skin here. I know a lot of the other guys are excited, too. But we really have to guard against being too emotional. It’s just another game. Yea, right. Who am I kidding? It’s the goddamn Champion Bowl…Champs Sports Bowl….whatever.”

Klatt also said he’s concerned that the team might be intimidated by the glare of the spotlight.

“I know a lot of the guys on this team have never experienced something like this. It’s going to be unlike anything else we’ve seen,” he said. “The glitz, the glamour, paparazzi, celebrity sightings, its going to be a circus. We just have to remember not to get caught up in it. We’re there to do a job, not party. And remember, if we win this game, that 70-3 loss to Texas will be a distant memory.”

The Texas game is something that the Buffaloes would love to forget. The 67 point loss was the largest margin of defeat in conference history.

Said coach Gary Barnett: “Biggest margin of defeat in history, huh? That’s not good. We got blown away in every facet of the game. Still, I’m proud of the way these guys played. They played hard from start to finish. There’s no quit in these guys, unless you count everything from the beginning of the third quarter on.”

The Champs Sports Bowl is a godsend, Barnett said, because it gives his team something to look forward to after the loss to Texas.

“The Champs Sports Bowl isn’t just any old bowl game. This is something special,” Barnett said. “Everybody is really buzzing about it. You should see the city of Boulder. Everywhere you go you see signs saying ‘Go Buffaloes’ or ‘Down with Clemson’ or ‘Champs Sports Bowl, here we come.’ Heck they’re talking about it all over the state. I just hope we can represent our home state with the honor, respect, and dignity people have to come to expect from teams other than us.”

What’s most satisfying about the bowl invitation is that it comes after a tumultuous two years for the Colorado football program, in which it was rocked by allegations of sex and alcohol on recruiting trips. Just a year later, the team has rebounded to play in “the granddaddy of them all.”

“I think it’s just a testament to how far this program has come and what a powerhouse team we have here,” said athletic director Mike Bohn. “We can safely call ourselves ‘elite’ at this point. There are many, many teams in this country that would be foaming at the mouth to attend the Champs Sports Bowls. Look at Boston College and Boise State. Those losers have to play in something called the MPC Computers Bowl. What the hell is that? I would’ve been embarrassed to accept that invitation. Some people have no pride.”

Pride is plentiful in Boulder today as the mighty Buffaloes prepare for their war of attrition with the Clemson Tigers. The winner of that game will return home with the title “Champs Sports Bowl Winner.”

Klatt says he and his teammates are ready to rumble.

“Aaaarghhhh! Go Buffaloes!!!” he screamed, pounding his fists against his locker. “Bring it on, Clemson! Bring it on! This is the kind of shit you dream about when you’re a kid. It’s the big stage. All eyes are gonna be on us. Sure, we lost 70-3 last week, but that was a character-building loss. We learned something about ourselves that day. We looked in the mirror and said ‘We cannot play with Texas. We belong in an obscure bowl game.’ And here we are, a week later, mission accomplished. Hell, this game is going to be almost as fun as my recruiting trip.”