Controversial Female Olympian Refuses To Pose Naked

ATLANTA, GA--Sherri Kahn, a member of the US Olympic beach volleyball team, has become a controversial figure after refusing to pose topless in a spread for Maxim magazine. The popular men’s publication offered Kahn $10,000 to pose in a bikini with her forearm covering her naked breasts. However, Kahn refused, claiming that she has a right not to pose naked.

“Thanks but no thanks,” Kahn said when offered the opportunity by Maxim chief editor Mark Merrill. “I don’t see any reason why I should pose topless. I’m just a little more modest than that, and I don’t need a bunch of men drooling over my tits to make me feel empowered. In fact, it would make me feel a little skanky.”

Kahn also explained that she has no desire to be subjected to one of Maxim’s mindless “interviews.”

“I don’t think it’s really necessary to engage in one of those silly Q & A sessions with some horny editor,” said Kahn. “I’m sure America would love to know what my naughtiest fantasy is, where the craziest place I’ve ever done it is, and whether or not I’ve ever kissed a girl, but that’s my business, thank you very much. If you want to know something about volleyball, feel free to ask. Anyone? Anyone? I didn’t think so.”

After Kahn’s refusal, several of her fellow female athletes criticized her for being “prudish” and “uptight.”

“Why would she say no? I don’t understand,” said Amy Acuff, Kahn’s Olympic teammate, who posed nude in Playboy. “Doesn’t she want to empower herself and her fellow female athletes? Doesn’t she want to show the world that woman can be both beautiful and strong, both sexy and intelligent? It’s up to us pretty girls to be comfortable with our own sexuality, not hide it under all this so-called ‘clothing.’ This is a serious blow to the women’s lib movement, as well as to teenage boys everywhere.”

Merrill was reportedly taken aback with Kahn’s refusal. Maxim is a nationally published men’s magazine that has a circulation in the millions. Most women jump at the chance to disrobe in front of the camera and partake in interviews that make them sound like sex crazed bimbos.

“I’m still a little shaken up by this whole thing,” said Merrill. “Frankly, I’ve lost a little respect for her. Women who have beautiful bodies are required by law to put themselves on display in public. She obviously has no need to feel empowered. Or worse yet, she already feels empowered and doesn’t need the approval of millions of drooling men. Fucking bitch.”

The beautiful Kahn appreciates her good looks, but would prefer to draw attention to her volleyball skills or her master’s degree in literature.

“I like to read,” she continued. “Did you know that I have a Master’s degree in English Lit from Columbia University? I could talk literature for hours on end. Vonnegut is my favorite author, but I’m also a big fan of David Foster Wallace. Heck, I can even get into a little Toni Morrison every now and again. What’s that? No, I’ve never kissed another girl.”

Unfortunately for Kahn, the controversy will not go away. She has been mercilessly ridiculed by other female athletes as well as male athletes for failing to shed the shackles of sexual repression by posing for tittie pictures. Even her parents have gotten into the act, saying that they did not raise their daughter to be ashamed of her God given beauty.

“Well I never. This is not the daughter that I raised,” said Cheryl Kahn, Sherry’s mom. “I raised my daughter to be a strong, powerful woman who is not intimidated by men and who is not afraid to express her own sexuality. In Muslim countries, they force the women to cover themselves head to toe. That kind of sexual slavery does not exist here in America, where our women are encouraged to remove their clothes instead. It’s empowering. What do you think those women’s rights activists in Afghanistan are striving for, anyway, the right to vote?”