Date Not Impressed By Whiffle Ball Comeback Story

FT MYERS, FL--According to sources, Katie Buscher, 27, was not impressed with her date’s tale of a rousing comeback he made in a whiffle ball game earlier that day. The date, Steven Halstrom, explained that a 10-run deficit is by the far the biggest deficit he or any of his friends has ever come back from, let alone in three innings. Surprisingly, Buscher looked bored.

“I don’t know why she was being so snobby about it,” said the 29-year-old Halstrom. “I know it’s only a whiffle ball game, but on a first date you want to impress the girl. I thought she’d like to know that I have the heart of a champion and never quit, but she really didn’t seem to care. Qualities like that have gone out of fashion, I guess.”

According to Halstrom, the date was going “a little slowly” when he decided to break out the whiffle ball story.

“She didn’t have much to say. She was extremely quiet and shy,” said Halstrom. “So I thought she’d appreciate hearing about how me and my friend Tim came back from a seemingly insurmountable 10-run deficit to beat Eric and Kyle. Here's how it happened: It was the sixth inning and I started off with a walk, then came up again and hit a grand slam. That started the onslaught. Then in the bottom of the ninth, I hit another 2-run shot right over the chain link fence into the pool area. That gave us the win. A walkoff home-run. I thought it was pretty impressive, but what do I know? I can’t figure out chicks anymore. I give up.”

Buscher disagreed with Halstrom’s version of events. While she admitted being bored by his whiffle ball story, she denied being “quiet and shy.”

“Quiet and shy? He said I was quiet and shy? Well, I guess that’s his side of the story,” she said. “The truth is, I had plenty to say but he wasn’t a very good listener. I told him about my job at the hospital and he just nodded without even looking up from his salad. Then I told him a little bit about my family, and he just nodded and said ‘Cool.’ Then he starts talking about his little whiffle ball game, and I’m supposed to get all excited about it? I mean, it’s nice that he won the game and everything, but I would be more impressed if he had a job. Plus, everyone knows runs are easy to come by in whiffle ball.”

Halstrom laughed heartily at Buscher’s assertion that runs are easy to come by in whiffle ball.

“Easy? I don’t think so. Believe me, if she thinks whiffle ball is easy, she’s obviously never seen that knuckleball that Kyle throws. That thing breaks all over the place, and if you’re not patient with it, you’re going down, my friend. It took me weeks to make the proper adjustments to be able to handle that pitch. Also, the way Eric plays the field, you really have to have some power to get it over his head. Maybe if she understood the slightest thing about whiffle ball, she wouldn’t be so damn dismissive about it. And to think, I was so attentive and interested when she was talking.”

Though Buscher was visibly disinterested in the story, Halstrom believed that her reaction conveyed something else: disbelief.

“The way she was sort of rolling her eyes, it occurred to me that she might not believe me,” he said. “I’m sure she was thinking ‘Yea right. A 10-run deficit. Tell me another one, pal.’ But that’s the problem with telling people this story. They just can’t believe someone could have the guts and courage to keep fighting despite being down ten runs. But that’s how I’ve always been. Just ask Eric and Kyle. You can never count me out of a game. Maybe I could have them call Katie and vouch for me. That’d definitely get me another date.”

Buscher, however, insisted that there would be no second date.

“Look, he’s a nice guy and all, but I’m just not interested,” she said. “He’s kind of a geek, he’s wishy-washy, he doesn’t listen to me, and then there’s the whiffle ball thing. Why would he bust that story out on a first date when we could’ve talked about so many different things? And why would he keep going on and on with the story when I was clearly bored? I don’t know, maybe if he was just slightly attractive physically I could overlook all this stuff.”

Even though his chances at a second date seem bleak, Halstrom said he has no regrets. He said that he will gladly talk about his whiffle ball prowess on future dates, until he finds someone who can appreciate his courage and determination.

“A lot of girls would love a guy who has a never-say-die attitude and busts his butt until the final out is recorded, so I’m not really concerned,” he said. “Perhaps I just need to modify my approach to first dates. Maybe I should wait a while before I start bragging about my exploits. I don’t want to come across as arrogant.”

He added: “I guess it wouldn’t kill me to get a job either. Working part time at the batting cages is fun and all, but it doesn’t really qualify as a career. The reality is that modern women really want their men to have jobs, be handsome, and have remedial social and conversational skills. Whew. Talk about a tall order.”