DENVER--The Arizona Diamondbacks’ wild ride through the 2007 season was brought to an end last night, when the scrappy “team of destiny” was swept out of the postseason by the another team of destiny, the Colorado Rockies. Other teams of destiny which fell short this year were the Chicago Cubs, Philadelphia Phillies, Anaheim Angels, and New York Yankees.

“It’s difficult to lose like that because we really felt we were a team of destiny,” said D’backs pitcher Brandon Webb. “We had that improbable run all season long, then we beat the Cubs, and then we just hit a wall. What happened to destiny? Apparently she switched sides and went with the Rockies. Lucky for them there are no teams of destiny in the AL so they should cruise right through the World Series.”

Even when they went down 3-0, the D’backs still felt they would win the series. In fact, they were even more confident, knowing that a storybook ending was inevitable.

“When we went down 3-0, we were like ‘Wow, it’s going to be awesome when we come back and win this thing,’” said outfielder Eric Byrnes. “We just figured the powers-that-be, the baseball gods, wanted us to win in dramatic fashion. Unfortunately we couldn’t get it done in Game 4. It’s obvious now that our destiny was to lose in heartbreaking fashion and then come back next year even hungrier and avenge this loss. I don’t know how we couldn’t see that in the first place.”

Like the Rockies, the Diamondbacks were expected to be a sub .500 team this year, but proved the doubters wrong by winning 90 games. After shocking the Chicago Cubs in the first round of the playoffs, it was clear to many in the organization that this was a team of destiny.

“The story was already written,” said manager Bob Melvin. “We came out of nowhere, we kept fighting all season long, we never gave up, and we were going to win it all for the people of Arizona. We didn’t need big stars or gaudy stats, because we had one thing on our side that nobody else had: destiny. We were destined to win the World Series. I still think we are. Watch out for this team. We play our best when our backs are against the wall.”

As for the Rockies, all that’s left for them is to continue on their magical ride. Admittedly, the ride has been helped along by some fortunate bounces and great luck, but that’s what being a team of destiny is all about.

“Gosh we’ve had a lot of good breaks during our little run,” said manager Clint Hurdle. “At this point we feel like we could go out there blindfolded and still come out on top. That’s because we’ve been preordained to win the World Series. Yes, I believe certain teams are preordained to win every year. We all believe in that stuff. Otherwise we’d have to believe that it’s just a random confluence of factors like skill, luck, and health playing themselves out in a small sample size of games. God, that’s stupid. We prefer to believe that some invisible magic force wants us to win because we’re nice.”

Phillies manager Charlie Manual, whose team entered the postseason on a high only to be swept by the Rockies, has a simple formula to determine which team is the “team of destiny” each year.

“Here’s how you can spot the team of destiny a mile away,” he said. “The team that wins it all at the end? They’re the team of destiny. So if you really want to know who it is, ask me after the World Series.”

Copyright 2007, The Brushback - Do not reprint without permission. This article is satire and is not intended as actual news.

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