Disembodied Voice In Iowa Cornfield Urges Farmer To Go On Shooting Spree

POSTVILLE, IA--It was a day just like any other day for Iowa farmer Ray Manzella. The 36-year old Postville resident was tending to his cornfield and relaxing in the summer sunshine when his life was changed forever. For it was on that day that a mysterious disembodied voice called out to him from above and implored him to “Go the distance”.

At first Manzella believed it was his imagination, but after hearing the voice three days in a row, he knew it was for real. He then set out to determine exactly what the voice wanted him to do.

“I kept hearing ‘Go the distance’, but I really couldn’t figure out what it meant,” said Manzella. “Did the voice want me to build a baseball field and summon the spirits of dead baseball players to my Iowa cornfield? No, it turns out the voice wanted me to go downtown to the farmer’s market and open fire on everyone. I saw it in a vision. It was pretty intense.”

Manzella described the vision as “extremely realistic and graphic” and said that he understood immediately what the voice wanted him to do after seeing the images.

“It was pretty clear right then what it wanted me to do,” said Manzella. “I don’t know why the disembodied voice wants me to go on a shooting spree, but I think I’m going to do it. After all, how many opportunities in life do you have to do something wild and irrational? “

Manzella has already begun assembling a cache of weapons and ammunition for his mission. Aside from his hunting rifle, he has acquired an AK-47 automatic weapon, as well as several small handguns and grenades.

“Yea, I know the grenades are a little unnecessary, but I figured if I’m going to go through with this, I should do it all the way. You know, ‘Go the distance.’ I just feel so alive right now. This is the first time in my life I’ve allowed myself to loosen up and do something crazy. I’m positively giddy about it.”

Manzella is going to commit the gruesome act even though his family farm is on the verge of being foreclosed by the bank. Opening fire on the farmer’s market will surely lead to a long jail sentence and loss of the farm, but that’s a price Manzella is willing to pay.

“All my life I’ve been following the rules and doing the right thing,” said Manzella. “I’ve never taken any risks. Sure, we may lose the farm, but there are some things more important in life than material possessions. I’m going to throw caution to the wind and shoot up that market. Maybe I can even charge people admission, and use the money to save the farm.”

Manzella’s wife, Jenny, is supporting her husband’s decision to commit the mass murder. Though she was skeptical at first, her husband’s unwavering commitment won her over.

“At first I was like ‘What are you, crazy? You’re hearing voices now?’ But after a while I started to believe him,” said the free-spirited former hippie. “He told me the voice provided him with a helpful vision that depicted him blowing everyone’s brains out in downtown Postville. I was a little concerned at first, but I was so proud of Ray for finally following his heart that I decided to go along anyway.”

“I know what you’re all thinking,” she continued. “What’s to become of our family farm? Well, I really don’t know. All I know is there are gonna be a lot of dead people downtown next Saturday”

Complicating matters is the fact that Jenny’s brother, John McDermott, is the manager of Bank of Iowa’s mortgage department. Since getting wind of Manzella’s crazy scheme, he has tried repeatedly to talk some sense into him. If the shooting spree goes forward as planned, he will almost surely be forced to foreclose on the farm.

“I keep telling Annie not to go through with this insane plan,” said an exasperated McDermott. “There is no such thing as disembodied voices. There is no such thing as these crazy visions. Her husband is either going nuts or he’s lying. Either way, the farm is going to be gone, and they’ll have nowhere to live, all because Ray has to go on his stupid shooting spree. For a few minutes of fun, he’s willing to risk everything. Talk about irresponsible. Next thing you know, he’ll be building a baseball field in the goddamn corn rows.”

The Manzella’s are unfazed by McDermott’s threats. No matter what, they are going to follow the orders of that mysterious voice.

“That voice is asking my husband to do this for a reason,” said Jenny. “Why would they pick him? Obviously, there is a secret purpose behind this that we will all discover in due time. Until then, my husband is the angel of death.”

While the voice has not told Ray the purpose for his mission, Manzella does have a few ideas. He believes this grotesque act of barbarism will help reconcile him with his deceased father.

“My dad was a serial killer,” said Manzella, his eyes welling up with tears. “Boy, did he love shooting people. It was his lifeblood. Of course, as a teenager I rejected him and his serial killings just to spite him. And you know what? I think it broke his heart. He was gunned down by police when I was 18 years old and I never got to make amends. I never got to bridge that gap between us. Maybe this disembodied voice is in some way connected to that. Or maybe I just suffer from the same acute schizophrenia that my father did. I guess we’ll find out soon enough.”