MIAMI--Indianapolis head coach Tony Dungy felt his biggest challenge coming into this week was keeping his team focused amidst the hype and hoopla surrounding the Super Bowl. After arriving in Miami on Monday and witnessing first hand the madness taking place, Dungy has devised the ultimate plan to shut out the distractions: skipping the Super Bowl altogether.

“Obviously as a coach the biggest concern you have is that your players will become caught up in all the hype,” Dungy said in a press conference today. “So one thing I wanted to do was keep them away from all that and try to make this like a normal week for them. That’s why we’re skipping the game and going home. Back in Indianapolis, our guys can rest, study game film, and get to bed on time. Come Sunday, they’re going to be bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, while the Bears are going to be exhausted. That’s where I think we’ll have an advantage.”

The Colts landed in Miami on Monday and will depart on Wednesday morning, leaving them time to attend Tuesday's media day session. Inevitably, they will be peppered with questions about Dungy’s decision.

“That’s a question we’re going to be asked a lot,” said Peyton Manning, who had hoped for a chance to win his first Super Bowl this Sunday. “People want to know the rationale behind this decision, and all I can say is that the coaches decided it would be the best thing for the team and we just have to go along with it. Is the fact that we’re not playing going to put us at a disadvantage? Yes, probably. But that doesn't bother me, because we always perform best when our backs are against the wall.”

The reaction to the news of the Colts’ departure has been mixed. While some are criticizing Dungy for essentially handing the game to the Bears, others are praising him for going that extra mile to keep his players from drowning in the hype.

A spirited debate about the subject erupted Monday night on ESPN’s NFL Primetime.

“You cannot skip the Super Bowl under any circumstances! That’s crazy!” cried analyst Steve Young. “This is the biggest game of these players’ lives. They want to be there. They want a chance to shine. A lot of them have probably bought thousands of dollars worth of tickets for their family members, and now they’re going home? I’m sorry but this is a terrible decision. I'll go out on a limb and say it's going to have a detrimental effect on Tony Dungy’s legacy.”

“Steve, I couldn’t disagree more,” replied co-host Tom Jackson. “The fact is that the players of yesteryear could party all night, do tons of blow, wake up in the morning under a pile of hookers and still go out and win the game. The players of today, however, get distracted when they see pretty colors and bright lights. Get those guys out of there before somebody contracts the clap. Lovie Smith would be smart to follow suit. Seriously, do you think anybody would even notice if the teams didn't show up?”

The Bears, however, are sticking with their strategy of staying in Miami and playing in the actual game. Coach Lovie Smith has his players on a strict curfew and expects them to be fully prepared to play on Sunday, regardless of what the opposition has planned for the week.

“We can’t really be concerned with what the other guys are doing this week,” said Smith. “We just have to take care of our business and worry about the rest of that stuff when it’s game time. We have a lot of veteran players on this team and I trust them to act responsibly and keep their priorities in order. Come Sunday, we’ll be on the field. Maybe the Colts will be there, maybe they won't. Either way, I’m still concerned Rex might screw it up for us.”

So what does the league plan to do if the Colts don’t show up for the game? Commissioner Roger Goodell says there is a contingency plan for every situation.

“If the Colts don’t show up, we’ll just have to make other arrangements,” Goodell said. “For starters, we could expand the pre-game concert to two full hours. Then when the Bears finally take the field, we can drag the introductions on for another hour or so. Then we could just drop a bunch of confetti and play some really loud music and have fireworks, and when the smoke clears, the Bears will be on the field holding the Lombardi trophy.

“Fortunately, the tickets have already been paid for and the ad revenues are already in, so the state of Florida could sink in to the Atlantic Ocean and it wouldn't make one bit of difference to me.”

Copyright 2007, The Brushback - Do not reprint without permission. This article is satire and is not intended as actual news.