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ORLANDO--Billy Donovan formerly stepped down as head coach of the Orlando Magic on Monday and says he plans to return to his roots: the University of Florida, where he won two straight championships as head coach of the Gators. The decision, Donovan said, was best for all parties involved, including the Magic players, who needed a change of perspective and a “fresh voice” in the locker room.

“Sometimes a team just needs a fresh voice in the locker room,” Donovan said at a press conference on Monday. “After a while, having the same coach with the same strategies and the same techniques can maybe lose a little bit of its luster. Now some new coach can come in here with a new perspective and maybe light a fire under the guys. It’s been a great run, though. The Magic are a class organization from top to bottom. I know I’ve learned a lot here and I look forward to taking that knowledge back to the college level.”

Donovan also said the Magic have a solid nucleus of young players and a bright future ahead of them.

“This team is going to be great, with or without me,” he said. “You’ve got Dwight Howard, Jameer Nelson, Darko Milicic – the list goes on. I see these guys as title contenders in the next two or three years. If I could say I had a tiny bit to do with that, hey, that would be great, but to be honest, I just tried to stay out of their way as much as possible. Also, I never actually met any of them face to face so I don’t think I should get too much credit for their development.”

Magic GM Otis Smith, who introduced Donovan as head coach on Friday morning, agreed that the team had gone as far as it could under Donovan. He said there were no hard feelings and that the coach was leaving on great terms.

“One thing I know about Billy is that he doesn’t make decisions like this lightly,” said Smith. “But a great coach knows when it’s time to go. I only wish I could have seen him in a game situation, because I think he would have done a helluva job. Nonetheless, he certainly left an imprint on this organization, whether you’re talking about the relationships he forged with our security personnel on his way in and out of the facilities or the pen he left behind on his desk. He will be missed. Anyway, I’ve got to go call Stan Van Gundy now and pretend he was our first choice.”

The departure of Donovan took many on the Magic by surprise. According to several players, Donovan had the respect of everyone in the locker room and there was no evidence of anyone tuning him out.

“As far as I know nothing went on that would have caused any kind of tension between him and us,” said guard Jameer Nelson. “I’ve talked to a lot of the guys and they certainly didn’t see this coming. I guess he just felt like the time was right. I know he holds a special place in his heart for the Gators and I can respect that. Still, it’s a shame he’s gone. He had our respect from day one all the way until…day two. I guess he just wanted to quit while he was ahead.”

“I was pretty shocked when I got the call that he left,” said Dwight Howard. “When I talked to him he seemed really excited about next year. He was like ‘we’re going to get you more touches,’ and ‘we’re going to make you an MVP,’ and then he was talking all this x’s and o’s stuff that made my eyes glaze over, and then I was like, ‘Dude, it sucks here. Unless you like Mickey Mouse and fans who don’t know dick about basketball, hop in a helicopter and high tail it out of here.’ Next thing I know he’s going back to Gainesville. I wonder if it was something I said.”

The Magic’s loss is the Gators’ gain, however, and many in Gainesville are breathing a sigh of relief that the two time NCAA champion is returning to the bench.

“Oh my God that was a close call,” said sophomore Brandon Powell. “We almost ended up with that guy from Virginia, who I’m sure is a pretty good coach but he’s basically nobody. We need Billy Donovan here forever. You know what they should do? They should sign him to a really long contract for a lot of money. That way he’ll never leave here again, on account of he’ll be signed to a contract. It’s just weird that no one’s ever thought of that before.”


Copyright 2007, The Brushback - Do not reprint without permission.
This article is satire and is not intended as actual news.

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Donovan: Magic Players Needed Fresh Voice In Locker Room

June 5, 2007 Volume 2 Issue 97
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