EDMONTON--The Carolina Hurricanes finally finished off the Edmonton Oilers last night in a thrilling Game 7 at the RBC Center in Raleigh. After the game, Oilers fans, devastated by the heartbreaking loss, put their bitterness aside and offered warm and hearty congratulations to the long-suffering Carolina fans, who have never experienced a Stanley Cup championship in the team’s storied 9-year history.

“As tough as this is to deal with I have to congratulate the Carolina fans,” said Brian Manchester, 34, a lifelong Oilers fan. “Raleigh is a great hockey town and those people have paid their dues. I’ve been saying all along that if the Oilers don’t take the Cup I’d want to see it go to the Hurricanes. After all, what do those people have other than college basketball and cigarettes? Nothing. And now they have a Stanley Cup. I join my fellow Canadians in saying ‘God bless America.’”

When the final horn sounded, thousand of Edmonton fans converged on Whyte Avenue to quietly clap their hands in tribute to the Stanley Cup champion Carolina Hurricanes. Like Manchester, many admitted that it was hard not to be happy for hockey fans in Raleigh.

“I’m disappointed that we lost but it’s really hard not to cheer for those people in Carolina,” said Mike Boyd, 28-year-old construction worker with his face painted in the orange, blue, and white of the home team. “They really know their hockey. Some of them have been following the team for 3 or 4 years. I bet it feels amazing to have that loyalty finally pay off. Maybe it’ll be our turn next year. Who knows? We’re no Raleigh, but we’re still a pretty decent hockey town.”

Even the drunkest, most bitter Edmonton fans had nice things to say about their counterparts in Carolina.

“Goddamn it! This sucks! We were so close!” yelled one shirtless fan clutching a bottle of beer outside Rexall Place, the Oilers home arena. “But hey, congratulations to the Carolina fans. You guys deserve this. The Oilers won a few back in the 80’s so we can’t really complain. We haven’t been totally shut out like the people in Raleigh. Those poor bastards have been cursed. Plus, America deserves some hockey success. It’s not fair for Canada to hog all the glory.”

In Raleigh, a victory parade has already been set and North Carolina governor Mike Easley is awaiting his shipment of Alberta beef that he won in a wager with Alberta premier Ralph Klein. Easley declared Tuesday morning that “the curse was broken” and credit Hurricanes fans for their persistence.

“After 9 long years, the curse of the Carolina Hurricanes is finally over,” Easley told reporters outside his office. This is a landmark day for the city of Raleigh and the state of North Carolina. It’s also a great day for the fans, who have finally been rewarded for their persistence and faith. I’d like to thank the Edmonton Oilers for an exciting, hard-fought series and offer condolences to their fans. I don’t care what anybody says, Edmonton is a good hockey town and those fans’ knowledge and passion can rival anybody’s, even, to an extent, Raleigh’s.”

Now that the curse is broken, some observers are wondering if interest in the Hurricanes may drop off. Not a chance, says Governor Easley.

“I know a lot of people think that our fans will lose interest in the team now that the elusive quest for a Stanley Cup has ended, but I don’t buy that for a second,” he said. “There is just too much history here, from the day the Hartford Whalers disbanded and moved to Raleigh, to the legendary exit from the playoffs in 2001, to that one game in 2003 when our goalie had a bunch of saves, the Hurricanes have a tradition that spans generations. It’s one of the great sports traditions in America, the country that invented hockey some 23 years ago.”

  Copyright 2006, The Brushback - Do not reprint without permission. This article is satire and is not intended as actual news.

Copyright 2005, The Brushback - Do not reprint without permission. This article is satire and is not intended as actual news.