ESPN Passes On Hockey To Make Room For Talk Show About Hockey

BRISTOL, CT--In the network’s latest move to expand its programming beyond actual sporting events, ESPN will cease airing NHL games in order to make room for a new talk show about the NHL. Slapshot, hosted by Barry Melrose, will offer viewers a “fresh, exciting perspective on the game of hockey,” instead of an actual game.

The move is an attempt to reach out to the casual sports fan, says ESPN vice president Mark Shapiro

“We know we have a fairly large fan base in the male 18-34 demographic,” said Shapiro, who is leaving ESPN October 1st after a 12-year tenure. “We don’t want to alienate them, but we do want to lure a different kind of viewer—a more casual viewer. You know, the kind that gets bored watching players skate up and down the ice,, and would rather see a slick, fast-paced talk show with lots of pretty colors and loud noises. In other words, idiots.”

After the NHL lockout ended, ESPN had an opportunity to sign a deal with the league to continue broadcasting games throughout the season. However, many of the broadcasts would have interfered with Slapshot, which is scheduled to air Monday through Thursday at 7 pm. So the contract went to the Outdoor Life Network, instead.

“We wish the Outdoor network—or whatever it’s called—much success broadcasting NHL games,” said Shapiro. “Hockey is a fun and exciting sport, as our new show, Slapshot will illustrate. We’ll take a look at all the highlights and also dish out some gossip on the hottest stars of the National Hockey League. On top of that, we’ll have in-studio guests and comprehensive analysis. All of it, of course, will be led by that irrepressible live wire Barry Melrose. You never know what that guy’s going to say. Either does he, until he reads the cue cards.”

Under Shapiro’s guidance, ESPN has begun to focus more on personality-driven talk shows like Quite Frankly and Around the Horn, as well as dramatic shows such as Playmakers and Tilt. While some have welcomed the move, others complain that the network is abandoning its core audience.

“Mark Shapiro ruined ESPN,” declared one Sportscenter producer, who has been with the network 15 years. “When I first got here we were all about covering sports. We'd broadcast any sport we could find, whether it was major league baseball or some weight lifting competition from New Zealand. Now they’re giving everyone with an opinion and a nice suit a talk show, and they’re even doing gay-ass gossip shows. Even Sportscenter is getting lame. 50 states in 50 days? Please. Everyone knows there are only about three states in the country worth visiting.”

With Slapshot, Shapiro is aiming for the non-hockey fan and hoping to draw them in with the interesting juxtaposition of analysis, highlights, and one-on-one interviews. Some episodes will feature interviews will guests who have nothing to do with hockey.

“We’ve got some really interesting guests scheduled to be on the show,” Shapiro explained. “Sure, most of them will be either hockey players or people involved with hockey, but we’re not limiting ourselves to that. That’s why we have Will Smith lined up for the season premiere. He’s going to tell us what he loves about hockey and also give us a sneak peak on his upcoming blockbuster action flick, The Exploding Spaceship. Oh, and we’re going to get Eva Longoria in there somehow. She’s a terrific guest and she also happens to have a show on ABC. What a coincidence!”

Barry Melrose is looking forward to his new role as host of Slapshot. A former player and longtime analyst, Melrose thinks ESPN made “a great decision” to turn down actual hockey games in favor of a hockey talk show.

“I don’t know why everyone is so pissed off about it,” Melrose said. “I think they made a great decision. Hockey has been around for many years. It had its chance. What the world wants, what the world needs, is more programs featuring people talking about sports. Who can resist the sharp-tongued rhetoric of a Stephen A Smith or the pointed analysis of Jim Rome? This is what the people of America want. It’s also what our corporate sponsors want. And we all know that corporate sponsors are completely in touch with the American sports fan.”