Every Single Receiver In League Not Getting Enough Catches

INDIANAPOLIS--The young football season has already had its share of controversy and drama, but nothing looms larger than the epidemic of wide receivers being dangerously under fed. In fact, according to several league sources, every single wide receiver in the league is not getting enough catches.

“It looks like it’s reaching epidemic proportions,” says ESPN analyst Michael Irvin. “Terrell Owens, Marvin Harrison, Peerless Price – What are they waiting for? They need to get these guys some catches fast.”

Even successful teams are not immune to the current crisis. In fact, no teams are immune. A recent poll of NFL receivers conducted by Sports Illustrated reveals that no wide receiver in the entire league believes he’s getting the ball enough.

“According to our poll, 100 percent of receivers believe they are not getting fed the ball enough,” said Sports Illustrated’s Peter King. “The number is astounding. And what are offensive coordinators in the league doing about it? Nothing, it seems. Just look at Terrell Owens. The poor guy’s cracking up.”

Indeed, Owens went on an emotional tirade on the sidelines, screaming at his offensive coordinator in front of television cameras. After the game he reiterated to reporters that he was not getting the ball enough.

“You know what I’m not getting enough of?” Owens asked. “The ball. I need the ball. My QB is being extremely selfish right now. He needs to understand that this is a TEAM game, and that I need the goddamn ball. There’s no ‘I’ in team, Jeff.”

In addition to Owens, Indianapolis Colts wide receiver Marvin Harrison voiced concerns last week over his lack of involvement in the team’s offensive game plan. The normally reserved Harrison publicly stated that he, too, needed the ball more.

“Its getting a little ridiculous,” said Harrison. “I’m not out there to block or run patterns or be a decoy. This team needs to get me the ball, immediately. If not, we’re in big trouble. This team can’t win unless I get 8 or 9 balls a game.”

The fact the Harrison’s Colts are 4-0 certainly clouds the issue. But Irvin claims that regardless of how the team is performing, these receivers need to be fed.

“If someone is hungry, you feed him,” said ESPN’s Michael Irvin. “Marvin’s hungry. The team’s record doesn’t matter. What matters is that we have a crisis on our hands. Are we going to address it? Are we going to take action? Or are we going to leave wide receivers empty handed while their selfish teams keep fattening up their won-loss records by running the ball and playing good defense. Its bullshit, that’s what it is.”

While Owens and Harrison are the most vocal of the group, the problem doesn’t end with them. It’s a league wide epidemic, and it may get worse before it gets better.

“What’s alarming is the sheer number of players who are suffering from this malady,” said King. “Its not just a select few, but every single one. It seems like there would be some wide receivers getting the ball. I mean, QBs are throwing it aren’t they? Who’s catching it? The answer is nobody. If our poll is any indication, nobody is getting the ball. This is an ugly, ugly trend that needs to be reversed. I swear, if I have to go another week without seeing one of Terrell Owens wonderful touchdown celebrations, I’ll cry.”