JOLIET, IL--It looks like Rex Grossman’s job is safe – for now. Fantasy owner Barry Kilmer gave the struggling Bears quarterback a vote of confidence today, saying he intended to stick with Grossman through the end of the season despite his recent slump.

Kilmer informed Grossman of his decision in an email to his website, Rexgrossman.com.

“As I told Rex today, his job is still safe. He is my number one guy from here on out,” Kilmer, 35, told fellow fantasy owners at his Joliet apartment. “He’s a young guy and I expect him to struggle, but I don’t think it would be good for him to keep yanking him out of there whenever he hits a bump in the road. My team is still doing well anyway. I have the Ravens defense and LaDanian Tomlinson, so I can afford a quarterback who is a tiny bit retarded.”

At the beginning of the season, Kilmer named Grossman his starting quarterback and promised to stay with him “through hell or high water.” Now he's under pressure to stick to his guns.

“I don’t want to go back on my word from the beginning of the season,” Kilmer said. “That would probably be sending the wrong message to the rest of my team and it would be perceived as a sign of weakness among my fellow owners. Plus, if I bench him now and my backup doesn’t perform up to par I'll never be able to go back to Rex. His psyche would be ruined. I’m better off leaving him in there and hoping he rediscovers the rhythm he had for those two games at the beginning of the season.”

Kilmer was roundly criticized for selecting Grossman as his starting quarterback in the draft, especially since Drew Brees and Carson Palmer were available. Now he’s facing even more criticism for refusing to bench him.

“I think he’s making a big mistake,” said Dave Rodriguez, 32, another owner in Kilmer’s league. “Rex is clearly lost out there. As a GM you can’t be afraid to get in there and make a move. The season is on the line. Does he really think Rex is going to make a turnaround this fast? I doubt it. And I wouldn’t worry too much about his psyche either, especially since this is fantasy football, and Rex Grossman’s actual psyche probably wouldn’t be affected much by the benching.”

According to Rodriguez, Kilmer often takes into account his players’ psyche and confidence level, and sometimes even feels guilty about benching them.

“Barry has a unique way of running his team,” said Rodriguez. “He really does pretend to be an actual GM or coach or whatever, and takes into account the players’ feelings before making a personnel decision. Last year when he had to bench Drew Bledsoe, he was like ‘The poor guy. He’s out there giving it his all, but as the coach it’s my job to make these hard decisions.’ We were like ‘Dude the real Drew Bledsoe’s not going to give a shit. We promise.’ But we were wrong. Bledsoe actually sent him an email telling him he thought the decision was bullshit. I guess he was just practicing for this year.”

In addition to retaining Grossman as his starting quarterback, Kilmer has also decided to pick up kicker Mike Vanderjagt, who was recently released by the Cowboys as well as millions of fantasy owners. Kilmer believes Vanderjagt is a good kicker who just needed “a change of scenery.”

“Ray [Stancke] originally had Vanderjagt and then he cut him when the Cowboys got rid of him,” said Kilmer. “That gave me an opportunity to pick him up. The guy can kick, there’s no debating that, but somewhere along the line he just lost his confidence. Now all I have to do is keep my fingers crossed so that some NFL team picks him up and gives him a chance. A change of scenery will do him great. I guess I should send him an email telling him I picked him up. That should lift his spirits.”

Copyright 2006, The Brushback - Do not reprint without permission. This article is satire and is not intended as actual news.