Fat Girl Accidentally Included In Beer Commercial

LOS ANGELES, CA--Executives from the Coors Brewing company rushed to do damage control yesterday after a fat girl inexplicably appeared in one of their latest beer commercials. The girl, who was unidentified at press time, is seen wandering into the scene holding a boom mic, then quickly retreating after realizing she stepped into the frame. The commercial is part of the new “Here’s To Baseball” series that Coors Lite has timed to coincide with the baseball season.

A statement released by the Coors brass today said, “We’re working diligently to figure out exactly how this happened. It would appear that the fat girl in question is an employee of Coors. While we do have a strict policy prohibiting any and all fat and/or ugly girls from appearing on camera, that policy does not pertain to off-camera employment positions. This policy is currently under review”

The past couple of years have shown Coors launch an aggressive, high-profile ad campaign featuring drunken frat guys and shapely women cavorting to heavy metal music. The sports related ads have clearly established that fat, unattractive girls have no place in the world of nightclubbing, super bowl parties and life in general.

“This is completely contradictory to the philosophy and image that the Coors Brewing Company subscribes to,” said Bob Parker, vice-president of advertising. “The girls in our commercials serve merely as ornaments and playthings for the men, and everyone knows fat girls make lousy ornaments. If they’re not thin, shapely, eager to please, and vaguely bi-sexual, what good are they?”

The next step for Coors will be to pull all commercials off the air and go over them “with a fine tooth comb” to make sure that the same problems haven’t already occurred in other spots.

“We’re currently reviewing every ad we’ve put out for the past year to make sure nothing slipped by during editing,” said Parker. “We haven’t found anything yet, but we’re going to err on the side of caution”

Meanwhile, women’s groups are outraged by the perceived sexism on the part of the Coors brass. Martha Burke, president of the National Council of Women’s Organizations, claims that the commercials blatantly sexist, and the actions of the Coors advertising reps are even more offensive.

“This is ridiculous,” said Burke. “I’ve never seen anything like it. These commercials were sexist in the first place. The way they portray woman as dumb, attention-starved sluts is offensive in every way. But to not allow women who happened to be overweight to appear in the ads is downright cruel. It's not their fault that donuts are so tasty.”

Despite the inflammatory comments regarding the fat girl, Parker asserted that the corporation was not sexist and had some pointed words of his own for Miss Burke:

“Why don’t you lose some weight, fattie? You’re just upset cuz you’re so fat. Maybe if you eat a freakin salad we’ll put you in one of our ads, fattie.”