MELBOURNE, AUSTRALIA--During his near perfect victory over Fernando Gonzalez in the Australian Open, Roger Federer had to overcome more than his opponent’s backhand. The 26-year-old superstar also had to overcome the distraction caused by Gonzalez snapping photos of him every time he tried to serve.

During the third set, Federer finally yelled at Gonzalez to put his camera phone away and play the game.

“Please, enough with the pictures!” Federer could be heard screaming across the court. “I am trying to serve and you are distracting me. Put away your camera phone and please let’s play. No, I mean now. Right now. Yes, that’s right. Shut it off and put it in your pocket. Thank you. We will have plenty of time for pictures after. Right now you need to pay attention, because I’d like to wrap this up and get out of here some time today.”

Afterward, a disappointed Gonzalez called Federer “a prima donna” for not allowing him to take pictures.

“Oh, he’s Roger Federer, big superstar who’s too good to have his picture taken,” Gonzalez said. “To me he’s just a spoiled prima donna. All I wanted to do is snap a few action photos of him and then send them to my friend, who is – was­­ – a big fan of Roger’s. Instead, he chose to yell at me and embarrass me in front of everybody. Warning to anyone playing Roger in the future: he is a moody little bitch who has no time for his fans.”

On the plus side, Gonzalez did manage to snap a half dozen quality photos of the ball screaming towards him after a Federer serve.

“Before I was screamed at, I did grab a few quick shots,” he said. “I have one where it’s just a close up of the ball, and in the background you can see Roger standing there having just completed his serve. The ball ended up striking me in the forehead and then ricocheting right over the net, at which point Roger spiked it back into the far corner. I thought it was a little excessive, myself. I mean, I’m standing there with a camera in my hand, unable to even return the shot. There’s no need to try and show me up.”

The match with Gonzalez wasn’t the first time that Federer had to deal with the adulation of his opponents. Earlier this year, he faced the German Bjorn Phau, who cheered wildly each time Federer made an impressive shot. The constant shouting from the other side of the net infuriated Federer.

“Bjorn Phau is a good player, but he really got on my nerves during that match,” said Federer, who won the match 7-5, 6-0, 6-4. “Every time I hit a good forehand or I served an ace, he would be like ‘Yea! Kick ass! You are the king!’ I was like ‘Yea, thanks, but can you please pay attention to the game and stop cheering me?’ Then he finally shut up and I proceeded to beat him mercilessly. I was amazing. I even signed my own shirt and took a picture of myself. I’ll never wash that shirt again.”

For future matches, Federer has asked the ATP to instruct players to leave their camera phones in the locker room before coming out to play.

“They need to crack down on it before it becomes an epidemic,” Federer said. “These stupid camera phones are everywhere. You can’t get away from them. And they don’t just use them to take pictures, either. Last year, during a match with some Spanish guy whose name escapes me, the guy approached the net holding his cell phone and asked me to say 'hello' to his girlfriend. During a match! The joke was on him, though. I said hello and then gave her my hotel room number and then had sex with her. She had a baby and he was forced to take care of it. Advantage, Federer!”

Copyright 2007, The Brushback - Do not reprint without permission. This article is satire and is not intended as actual news.