MIAMI--As part of a new advertising campaign for its hit show, 24, the Fox network is planning to produce the ultimate Super Bowl commercial, which will feature an actual radiological bomb being detonated live at the Super Bowl. The detonation will take place at an undisclosed time and cause mass casualties, echoing a plotline on 24 which depicts a nuclear bomb being detonated in Los Angeles.

Following the explosion, viewers will be treated to an extended trailer for an “explosive” new episode of 24.

“Like the show itself, our new ad for 24 will depict the grim dangers we face today in a world of terrorism and weapons of mass destruction,” said producer Cyndi Incandenza. “We’ve never shied away from this kind of thing before, and now we’re just pushing the envelope even further. Will Jack Bauer stop the terrorists from blowing up the Super Bowl? No, of course not. He’s a fictional character. But he might stop them the following night during an action packed episode of 24 in which terrorists plot to attack the Super Bowl. Talk about life imitating art, huh? This show is ripped from the headlines.”

Producers are not saying how they acquired the weapon or who will be in charge of detonating it. When pressed for details, Incandenza simply said “tune in.”

“If you want to see what happens, tune in,” she said. “I’m not going to give away any spoilers. Needless to say we’re going to outdo the dancing monkeys or celebrity cameos or whatever other bullshit the other sponsors are cooking up. Are we going a little over the top with this? Maybe, but you can’t be in denial over the fact that terrorism exists and this threat is real. Instead, you must acknowledge that threat and exploit it for commercial gain. I have to, anyway. I work for Fox. I have to do a lot of really fucked up shit.”

Security experts say they have no credible evidence of a terrorist threat at the Super Bowl, but they are concerned about the Fox network’s announcement. Florida Homeland Security Secretary director Victor Martinez is working with local authorities to ensure the safety of everyone at the big game.

“It’s disconcerting to hear something like this, but we are working together to make sure nobody is able to smuggle anything into the stadium or the surrounding arena,” Martinez said today. “Frankly, I don’t think the producers of 24 have access to the kinds of material needed to make a device like this anyway. They could get in a lot of trouble just for suggesting it. They should stick to blowing things up on TV, and we’ll stick to pretending that we know what the hell we’re doing with this whole Homeland Security thing.”

Reaction to Fox’s plans have been mixed. While most Americans are horrified at the prospect of innocent people dying, many admit that they won’t be able to turn away from their TV if the bombing does occur.

“Whoa that is pretty heavy,” wrote Bauer24, a poster on Fox.com’s 24 forum. “Are they really trying to do that? That would probably be pretty destructive. Hopefully it’s just a promotional gimmick to try and get people pumped up for the show. It’s already working on me. I’m psyched. Will the Super Bowl get nuked? The countdown begins…today!”

When told of Martinez’s comments regarding the feasibility of Fox building a dirty bomb, Incandenza insisted that it “quite feasible” and that, in fact, the pieces were already in place for the attack to occur.

“Oh, he just doesn’t understand the resources that we have here at Fox,” she said. “There are people doing security at the game who are really big fans of the show. They were totally into helping us out. So if you’re a fan of the show and like ultra realistic, detailed depictions of all of your worst fears, tune it to the Super Bowl. Then tune in to 24 to escape from the ugly reality of what happened. See, TV is the ultimate diversion.”

Added Incandenza: “Remember back in 2001 when you couldn’t even say the word ‘bomb’ on TV out of respect for the 9/11 victims? We’ve really come a long way, haven’t we? That reminds me of a new show we’ve got in the works. It’s called Airplanes Crashing Into Buildings: The Series. Not bad, huh? Wait till you see the ad campaign for that one.”

Copyright 2007, The Brushback - Do not reprint without permission. This article is satire and is not intended as actual news.