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BOSTON--Just when it seemed like things couldn’t get any worse for a Celtics team that went 24-58 last year and was accused of tanking by fans and the media, a new, ominous threat is looming on the horizon for the club's front office: the internet. On message boards, blogs, and chat rooms across America, fans are fed up with years of failure and are rising up against Celtics management.

“I don’t know about you guys, but I am so fed up with these morons we have running the Celtics,” said DoubleZerO, a poster on a popular Celtics message board. “They have taken our once proud franchise and dragged it into the gutter. Now they’re showing up on TV acting all smug and casual like it’s no big deal. Did you see Grousbeck the other day on ESPN? He was like 'I hope the draft goes well for us.' Wtf? Does he take us all for morons?”

DoubleZerO then typed a sentence that would send chills down the spine of even the most cavalier front office man:

“I think we should boycott. Come on, you guys. Let’s do it. Let’s stop buying Celtics merchandise, stop going to the games, stop supporting this team, and show them, once and for all, how much power we have. Seriously, you guys, I think the consolidated power of this internet forum can bring the franchise to its knees. Power to the people!”

Though no formal boycott has been organized as of yet, there is a grass roots movement among internet surfers to do something to show the Celtics front office that they are stupid.

“That’s it. I’m done putting up with this shit,” said Green16, a poster on Celtics Nation. “Did you see the way Danny Ainge was talking to the media the other day? He was like ‘La-di-da. No problems. Everything’s pie in the sky.’ Where does he get off insulting our intelligence like that? He should be weeping uncontrollably, gnashing his teeth and rending his garments, and throwing himself at the feet of every Celtics fan and begging for forgiveness. And look at Doc with his fat stupid face and his gay turtle neck. That’s it. I am DONE with this team if they don’t get to the playoffs by 2010.”

Other posters were less diplomatic:

“Danny Ainge is a fucktard and Wyc Grousbeck couldn’t run a LITTLE LEAGE TEAM!” wrote BleedingGrn33. “These guys shouldn’t be in Boston we have too good a history and they are RUINING IT!!!! Larry Bird would never LOSE ON PURPOSE!! PPL should be sending them emails saying how much they SUCK!! I hope theyre reading this right now danny YOU SUCK!!!”

Grousbeck, the team’s owner, is aware of burgeoning revolt among the internet people and admits that the possibility has resulted in some sleepless nights.

“I’d be lying if I said I didn’t stay up late at night chain smoking cigarettes and tormenting myself with the possibility of an internet-based fan insurgency,” Grousbeck said, his voice quivering. “What if the fans do revolt? What if a grass-roots boycott is organized and everybody stops buying tickets and the franchise goes bankrupt and has to be relocated to Oklahoma City? You don’t think I deal with this shit on a nightly basis? I do, dammit! But it’s part of the job. I just wish the fans could be a little more understanding. It’s not like we haven’t taken any steps forward the past couple years. I mean, we have the Celtics Dancers now. Doesn't that count for something?”

While Grousbeck has been under fire lately, the man who has received the lion’s share of the fans’ wrath is GM Danny Ainge, who assembled the team that went 24-58 last year and then rewarded coach Doc Rivers with a contract extension.

Ainge, however, is taking the message board revolt in stride.

“Oh yea, the fans are pissed,” Ainge said with a chuckle. “I’ve seen all the outrage on the internet about how shitty we are and all the sanctimonious screaming about how we’ve tainted the glorious Celtics franchise. Hopefully they won't boycott, but if they do we’ll have to weather the storm and try to live without those 20 or 30 fans. Luckily we’ll still have the corporations, CEO’s, and wealthy families that purchase 99.9 percent of our season tickets. Now, if those people threatened a boycott, I wouldn’t have just fired Doc, I would have thrown him off a goddamn building.”

Copyright 2007, The Brushback - Do not reprint without permission. This article is satire and is not intended as actual news.