Gary Barnett Blasts University Of Colorado For Reinstating Him

BOULDER, CO--After several rape allegations at the University of Colorado, and a sex scandal that threatened to destroy the credibility of the school’s Athletic Department, many thought that head football coach Gary Barnett would be the first to pay the price. He was accused of standing idly by while his players fostered an atmosphere of sexual harassment, misogyny, and violence. He also made disparaging comments about ex-player Katie Hnida, calling her a “terrible player” after she accused a former Colorado Buffalo of raping her.

Now that the investigation is through and Barnett has been reinstated, the coach blasted the University for failing to punish those responsible for these abhorrent actions.

“What are these people thinking? Are they nuts?” asked Barnett at a press conference Tuesday. “How could they not fire me? I stood around while my players were raping and pillaging like the goddamn Mongol hordes. I even called that poor young lady, Katie, a name after she accused a player of raping her. And they reinstated me? Holy shit, these people are stupid.”

Barnett said that, while he will accept his reinstatement and continue serving as the Buffaloes head coach, he is outraged at lack of accountability for himself and his former players.

“I should be held accountable for my actions. I am, at the very least, someone who was at the head of a program that was completely out of control,” he said. “Coaches get fired for walking by strip clubs and peeking in the windows, and I’m being reinstated after being involved in one of the seediest, ugliest sex scandals in the history of college sports? This is outrageous and offensive. I am a terrible person and should be fired immediately.”

University President Betsy Hoffman said that Barnett had already paid a price for his actions and did not need to be fired. She announced sweeping changes in the athletic department, but stopped short of making any personnel cuts at all.

“Though coach Barnett did make some mistakes, we feel he has atoned for those mistakes,” said Hoffman. “We know that he is an upstanding person who believes in discipline and has great values. We are sure his behavior, in the future, will more accurately reflect those values. Plus, now that he’s been through this scandal, he won’t dare make a false move. He’ll be our little bitch.”

Barnett accused Hoffman of being asleep at the wheel and said that her lack of leadership and courage would hurt the University in the future. He also said that her “sweeping changes” would be ineffective if not backed up by the threat of disciplinary action.

“Hi, I’m Betsy Hoffman, and I’m a big wimp,” Barnett said mockingly. “I’m too much of a sissy to fire someone who obviously deserves to be fired. I make all these stupid, dumb changes that are supposed to fix everything, but I keep the same people in charge who presided over the damn scandal in the first place. Come on, Betsy, have a little spine and fire me. I am a horrible role model for our nation’s youth.”

Despite Barnett’s outrage, Hoffman will not budge from her decision not to fire the coach. Instead, she’s calling on him to return to his job and put the scandal behind him.

“I appreciate Coach Barnett’s position here, but my decision is firm,” she said. “He should understand that, even though we’re not firing him, we are making the right changes in order to ensure that nothing like this ever happens again. His concern for the well being of the football program is admirable, but I know that he’s the right man for the job. So he needs to take the lessons he learned from this experience and use them to become a better coach.”

But Barnett is not going down that easily. The hard-nosed coach is calling for students to gather and demonstrate against his reinstatement, and for fans to boycott the football program.

“I call on all the Colorado football fans across the country to boycott our games,” he said. “It’s up to you, fans. You have the power to enact change. You have the power to make your voices heard and tell Ms. Hoffman what she needs to do. It is completely insane that I am still employed after what happened on my watch. Ms. Hoffman, your actions in this matter have fallen far short of satisfactory and I, for one, hope you come to your senses and fire me in the near future. Please—get me out of this football purgatory. We’re not going to be good for a long, long time.”