BATON ROUGE, LA--The Florida Gators suffered a stunning loss to the LSU Tigers on Saturday, despite the fact that they showed up for the game. The Tigers, currently in last place in the SEC, managed a ten point victory even though Florida is favored by many to win the national title.

After the game, center Joakim Noah pondered whether the Gators should do more in the future besides showing up, such as actively trying to win.

“I don’t get it. We drove to the game, suited up, and took the court – then we lost,” said Noah, who managed only four points. “I mean, we’re Florida. They’re LSU, the shittiest team in the conference, playing without their best player. Yet they scored more baskets than us. I guess it’s back to the drawing board. Hopefully coach Donovan can figure this one out, otherwise…well, I hate even say this, but it’s possible we could lose again.”

Florida also lost a game against Vanderbilt last week. They showed up for that one, too – on time – but it didn’t help.

“The ‘showing up’ strategy didn’t work against Vandy, either,” said guard Corey Brewer. “That was weird. We, the Florida Gators, arrived to their shitty little arena, said ‘here we are, the Florida Gators.’ They were like ‘whatever, we’re still going to try and score baskets against you and defend you baskets.’ Hello? Did we not win the National Championship? These teams have no sense of history. I guess the only solution now is to start, like, trying, as if we were some kind of ordinary, non-title winning team. Is this what you get for winning it all? If so, what’s the point?”

The biggest problem for the Gators recently has been shoddy defense. They have allowed their opponents to shoot 54 percent from the field, something uncharacteristic of a team that played tenacious defense during last year’s title run. The other problem is that teams are gunning for them now.

“I’m starting to notice that teams really want to beat us for some reason,” Brewer said. “They like, really want to beat us. Even LSU wanted to beat us. Why would LSU want to beat us? They’re out of it this year. They should just roll over and die like dogs. No offense, of course. I have a lot of respect for LSU. That Glen Davis was really something for about five minutes last year. I’m sure he has a lot of fond memories of when he was a basketball player.”

Despite a couple of unexpected losses, the Gators are still in the driver’s seat in their conference, but the question remains: Are the Gators tired? Their sluggish play lately has some thinking the whirlwind of the past year is starting to catch up to them.

“They looked a little sluggish when we played them,” said LSU coach John Brady. “Maybe they’re tired. Poor babies. All that basketball playing is starting to wear them out. Maybe we should stop the season so they can have a little resty-poo. And we can start it up again when they’re good and ready. Do I sound bitter? Good, because I am. Although I’m getting less bitter with every game the Gators lose.”

Florida coach Billy Donovan admitted to being “deeply concerned” about his team’s poor showings against Vanderbilt and LSU. However, he isn’t ready to write off the season just yet.

“Last year we stumbled a bit in February and rebounded to win the title,” said Donovan. “So it’s not like this is unprecedented. Let’s face it, we just lost a couple games. It’s inevitable. We can’t win every single one of them, and though I am concerned, the sky is not falling. We’ll get back on track. We’ve got a game against Tennessee tonight, and we’re going to do more than just show up for the game. We’re going to actually try and win the thing. Yes, desperate times call for desperate measures.”

Copyright 2007, The Brushback - Do not reprint without permission. This article is satire and is not intended as actual news.