Joe Gibbs Reminds Struggling Team That He’s Joe Gibbs

WASHINGTON, DC--After getting off to a 1-2 start and struggling badly on offense, the Washington Redskins hardly have the look of a Joe Gibbs coached football team. Gibbs was hired to bring credibility back to the Skins and to show the players what it means to be on a winning team and play tough, mistake-free football. However, he has failed to inspire his players thus far and has spent the last week of practice reminding them that he is, in fact, hall of fame coach Joe Gibbs.

“I am Joe Gibbs, people,” Gibbs told his players at practice yesterday. “Remember? I won three super bowls. I am an elder statesman of the game that brings credibility and respect to our franchise. I am a stoic, old school, disciplined leader that is supposed to inspire reverence as well as confidence. Come on, get it together. I’m fucking Joe Gibbs.”

When the team announced the hiring of Gibbs last spring, Redskins fans rejoiced. After two years under the inexperienced Steve Spurrier, the players and the fans were craving a respected coach that could lead the team to the promised land. Gibbs brings the track record, but so far his team has yet to respond to his awesomeness.

Sportswriter Michael Wilbon of the Washington Post has placed the blame for this oversight squarely on the shoulders of the players.

“You’ve got Joe Gibbs coaching here. Joe Gibbs. If you can’t win with that guy, there’s something wrong,” said Wilbon. “Just look at him. Look at him standing on the sidelines like an old battle-scarred commander overseeing his troops. Look at his perfectly parted hair and his meticulously tucked-in shirt. And those glasses that scream ‘Pay attention to me, son. You just might learn something.’ I’d go to war for a guy like that any day of the week. Hell, I’d strap on a helmet and join the team right now. I wonder if I’d be able to get the time off from PTI. They’re usually pretty strict about that kind of thing.”

With the addition of Gibbs, fans expected to see a huge contrast between this year’s team and last year’s team, coached by Spurrier. When they signed free agent running back Clinton Portis, those expectations rose even more. But much to everyone’s chagrin, very little has changed. Even the players themselves are at a loss. Veteran wide receiver Rod Gardner explains:

“I can’t understand why my play hasn’t improved under Coach Gibbs. I’ve always been a decent, middle-of-the-road type receiver but I though this year I would rise to a new level and be compared to guys like Randy Moss and Terrell Owens. But not much has changed. Why? It’s puzzling. We’ve got Coach Gibbs now and I just figured his presence would transform me into a better player. I mean, just look at the guy. He’s a goddamn icon. It’s like being coach by General Patton. I’m actually waiting for him to whip out a machine gun and just start shooting people. That’s the kid of tough love this team needs.”

In order to light a fire under his players, Gibbs has embarked on a campaign to raise awareness about his accomplishments, accolades and winning personality. Yesterday after practice, the players and coaching staff were treated to a video montage highlighting Gibbs’decorated career. The coach is hoping it will instill in the players some of the greatness that has made him a coaching legend.

“Players are like children. They need to be reminded of things over and over again. Since we’re not undefeated and have not crushed each of our opponents with a cold, steel precision, it’s obvious that my presence isn’t having the desired effect. So I’m just going to beat into their heads that they’re playing under me, Joe Gibbs. I’ve got lots of great footage of me standing on the sidelines holding my chin looking thoughtful. If that doesn’t light a fire under the team, then I guess I’ve lost touch with today’s players.”

If there is one thing that’s changed in Washington this year, it’s the mentality of Daniel Snyder. The normally restless, impulsive owner has taken a patient approach to Gibbs’ coaching tenure. Regardless of the team’s early struggles, Snyder will never lose faith in his new coach’s abilities.

“I couldn’t be less worried,” he said. “I have complete and total faith in Joe’s coaching skills as well as those of his staff. I’m sure he’s just getting a feel for his players and today’s game. Eventually he’ll turn this team into the well-oiled machine that it was in the 80’s. It just might take a few years.”

Snyder believes that Gibbs should have a permanent place in Washington, regardless of how the team fares.

“Look, even if by some miraculous freak of nature the team fails, coach Gibbs will have a lifetime pass on the Redskins sidelines. Even if I eventually fire the guy, I could hire a younger, better coach and just leave Joe on the sidelines to inspire the team with his presence. All he would have to do is just stand there looking reflective and flash those shiny superbowl rings. Heck, maybe we could just have him bronzed and stick him in the tunnel so the players could rub his head for good luck on their way onto the field. Come to think of it, we can bronze Mark Brunell, too. But instead of using him for good luck, we can toss him into the Potomac.”