BOSTON--Red Sox slugger Manny Ramirez arrived at spring training on Monday, but it was a short lived stay. The eccentric left fielder flew back to the Dominican Republic Tuesday morning when he realized he forgot to pack his glove. He is expected to be gone seven to ten days.

“Manny’s been excused from practice for a few days to go attend to some personal business,” said Red Sox GM Theo Epstein. “Specifically, he forgot to bring his glove, and we all know how important gloves are to the game of baseball. What’s that? No, he couldn’t just get it delivered. It’s a special glove. It’s a Rawlings Derek Jeter Gold Glove Special. He considers it a good luck charm. Also, he was a little worn down and needed a rest. The season is a marathon, people. Try to keep that in mind.”

Ramirez was already the subject of controversy this spring when it was reported that he planned to attend a car auction instead of the first day of training camp. He then surprised the organization by reporting to camp on February 26, three days before the March 1st deadline. His quick departure, however, was a surprise to no one.

“Yea, we kind of expected Manny to take off for a few days,” said manager Terry Francona. “Obviously he needs his glove, and you certainly can’t hold that against him. My only fear is that he’ll forget to grab it while he's down there, and have to go back again. That’s why I tied a little string around his finger before he left, then gave him a note explaining why there was a string attached to his finger, then wrote 'get glove' on his forehead in magic marker. ”

Ramirez has promised management that he will work out and stay in shape during his brief trip back home, and be “ready to play” as soon as he returns to spring training.

“Manny always keeps himself in shape and he won’t be any worse for the wear because of this trip home,” said Francona. “He’ll use one of those hand squeeze thingies on the plane ride and probably do a few jumping jacks when he gets down there. Then he’ll do some other crap, too, I’m sure. Honestly I don’t even care. He’s going to do what he wants to do and then knock in a shitload of runs for us. Then during the All-Star break he’ll probably fly back home to tend to his ‘ailing mother’ who I’m not even sure exists at this point, especially since two seasons ago he left spring training to attend her funeral.”

While some believe Ramirez is using his glove as an excuse to skip a week of training camp, his agent, Greg Genske, insists that nothing could be further from the truth. According to Genske, Ramirez noticed his lucky glove was missing on Sunday night and became “extremely agitated.”

“This isn’t some stunt he’s pulling just to get him out of camp,” Genske told reporters on Tuesday. “It’s his glove. What’s he supposed to do, have some idiot servant stuff it in a box and deliver it? I don’t think so. Now, I’m not going to answer any more questions about this. If you want to know something, talk to Terry or Theo. It’s not my job to ‘represent’ the guy every time something comes up. I'm his agent, not his...agent. ”

According to Epstein, the Red Sox have no problem with Ramirez and continue to support his efforts to retrieve the glove. He also denied rumors that the team was actively shopping the slugger.

“This is not a non-story and everybody is blowing it out of proportion,” said Epstein. “When the season starts, Manny will be here and he’ll be the same great hitter he always is. And we’re not going to trade him. Not now anyway. We have to wait until he acts normal for two or three months before we can start shopping him. Of course that's easier said than done. The bastard hasn't put together two or three normal months since he got there.”

Copyright 2007, The Brushback - Do not reprint without permission. This article is satire and is not intended as actual news.